General, Mindfulness l

Friends and more

Friends and friendships are one of our great social connections in our lives. Friends are made right from neighbourhood to school to college to work and then at the parenthood stage, to friends of kids friends’. Then, there are the social group friends, the pals made at various hobby outlets ,the social contacts with friends of friends and many others. Whom we once called our really good friends also has its own shelf life depending on our very own life stage. What felt like our true and truer pals cease to be so not for anything else but for the growth each one has taken and their current circumstances.

Friends drop and add as we journey through our lives. Some old school/ college friends either fade away with time or different geographies makes it difficult to stay connected on a personal level. Of course, the current age has made it possible to stay in touch but unless physical connections are there, one cannot fathom the depth of the relationship. Some very dear ones made in your teens and 20’s begin to feel distant to you in your current stage and frame of mind. Part of it could be owing to each ones own evolution and growth which either has kept pace with yours or has taken a very different one and of course there is the part where the regularity of staying in touch has not been there. You move on, they move on and when you meet after really really long, you find it not so easy to connect and relate. One definitely has a nice time with time spent on that day or that evening but then we leave it at that. Also, you could have enhanced your mind with different experiences whereas they would have remained either static in their minds or veneered in directions completely unrelatable to you and so closes another friendly chapter with the person. It merely stays then as an acquaintance. There is no regret in it though!

With time constraints, it’s getting increasingly tougher to find someone with whom you could really really talk without constant punctuations about their own set of woes and worries. Each one has his own share of issues to counter yours. You sit wondering what you really expected was a good ear but what you got instead is an unwanted earful. Such is life and such are friendships! The good part is at every stage, there is always someone to lean on to!

Mindfulness l

Mind over matters

My interest in the growth trajectories the kids take continues and so will my observations around them. However as a departure, I hope to write on life and the many other myriads we are all a part of, the social connections we establish over time and the way we engage ourselves in our lives. These too would be coming out of personal experiences!

This one today is on the importance of feeling good , positive, hopeful and most of all happy with our lives. To start on this, so very often the matter at hand is not so out of control as our minds are. The ability to deal with issues seems so lost that everything and everyone becomes a difficult task to deal with. The situations on ground have not changed much, it’s our mind and our attitude! There are the normal happy souls going about doing their chores but somehow they seem to be invisible or all of a sudden, the green grass on the other side theory kicks in and wallowing in self pity takes over. The sheer ability to pull yourself out of the cesspool of your own thoughts becomes a Herculean task. The many thoughts, insecurities, fears start to create havoc in our minds and all of a sudden life seems to spin out of control. Nothing much, largely, has changed on the ground !

The way out of this is to sit back in a calm manner and somewhere do a very conscious analysis of the self and the situation  that has triggered this unrest. The optics of visualisation has to be assessed and changed , if needed. Difficult as it may look, it’s the way to go on. Mostly, the mind controls itself and happy thoughts start triggering in once again. Sometimes, when the mind is disturbed, temporary escapes like books ,movies , foods, friends  does the feel good work but then, honestly, they are temporary. In the heart of it all, conscious reasoning out with self is the only honest way of bouncing back.

Mental health is really really  precious and has to be taken good care of. Happiness indeed has to become a very integral part of our lives. My very recent experience in knowing two very close individuals battling mental health issues has triggered this write up! It’s nice to see that both are limping back to normalcy.

Mindfulness l, Uncategorized

Short travel tales

Okay, so the summer and the winter breaks are well thought of where it concerns travel plans, itineraries, how to go, where all to go, with whom to go etc. etc. It’s the joy of the short breaks , rather unplanned last minute ones that makes for a lot of excitement for the kids and us too and makes happy memories for all!

Ask them to pack an overnight bag and a few other things they may want to carry and before you know, it’s their whole world they would like to take! What if I feel like playing cards, what if I find a ground to play football, what if there is a water body to jump into so my swimwear is needed, what if my mood is to draw and the many other whats! It’s fun to see them scrambling about for this and that a day before and the stuff that comes out from their bags one after the other brings that amusing smile to your face! Here you were ranting a day before about the many things they want to carry and there you know why they are there!

On a recent short trip, their joy knew no bounds when amidst exploring lush nature and the many stony paths, a badminton court was put to good use by them. All was lost in game and play and the high of eat, play, walk repeat! It’s these simple explorations and chanced upon properties that make for happy memories. Carefully thought out and planned trips have their own merits but these quick short close- to -home getaways make for equally good breaks, more so when the saturation of daily routine is at its peak for all concerned!

The good part about these less thought of trips is that the many what-ifs are eliminated else the longer the thinking and planning time, the more variables come into the picture and the purpose of a break break is lost! Here, one goes with an open mind and really nothing much goes out of place. If it does, that too is taken in as an experience. Keeping minimal expectations also helps.

So time to pack your bags and head out , away from the routine whenever the mind and heart feels like, keeping all many how’s out and develop a child like attitude into new explorations. The world seems a happier place after you get back, though seriously nothing much has changed in the world but a break changes your attitude toward everything and that is what matters.

General, Mindfulness l

Reliving the 3 R’s

Children’s lives are so very sorted should I say! Till such time they are school going, the pattern is almost seamless.There are the 3 r’s we all have grown up with and this pretty much has shaped most of us and so will they for our kids. Some physical play/activity is how we end up ploughing their extra energies and voila! life and living is well worth it for them!

In our growing up and adding years and experiences along the way, the elements of the 3 r’s gradually begin to taper off for some of us. This void is filled with other important elements but if somehow we  all could retain these r’s,  the entirety of living becomes more meaningful! I am sitting here explaining to the kids the importance of writing to learn as a better bet  compared to mere reading and trusting our memories. Blessed are those folks whose kids are born with a photographic memory but for mine, I am more for writing. A good attempt must be made by us senior folk as well to include writing as one of our outlets in ways one finds befitting to our  personalities. Penning down small thoughts which are read so often seem more meaningful once we have actually written them down. The minute you have physically used a pen, the retention is that much more. This is well proven beyond doubt.

Reading has all its pluses for vocabulary, thoughts etc.etc. and we encourage the kids to take this up seriously. For the ones grown up on this wonderful hobby and are pursuing it still, it’s smooth but for the many who have given this up along the way thanks to the many media distractions and other pursuits ,taking time out for insightful or inspirational or fun or general reading keeps ones  mental juices flowing and then exchanging talks and ideas with people around  feels more enriching and interesting.

The R associated with numbers is pushed aside , noticeably, by many of us thinking about it being complex. Well actually this too needs to be exercised else this bit can get rusted sooner than we think. The benefits of number games and other similar engagements is again well researched and proven. Small self challenges on our part to crack this number code can be actually very good for us.

For better options and sometimes better excuses and justification of the same, we move away from these. Taking some time out from our routine schedules and actually making an effort to re -explore and re -learn the forgottens can be a good start to re – energise our adult minds.

General

50 and growing!

The number 50 does feel a milestone of sorts on many occasions and hitting that number gives one a great high! I am no different here, so when I sit writing my 50 th post, it’s with a sense of a good bit of consistency on my part! My start was triggered by nothing more than penning down my thoughts and using this as a medium of communicating my feelings. It’s been nice to have my thoughts read by my WordPress family and of course all my well meaning friends and family. The comments have been honest and valuable.

With warmth and a deep sense of gratitude, I hope to continue on this journey! While writing my understanding on this very sensitive topic of raising responsible children, I myself have gained more know how thanks to the feedback received!

With my kids growing up fast, my blog will also take a different growth trajectory!

I treat 50 as young and hope to add more by way of content and engaging thoughts!

Cheers to all!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Respect for all

Give and get is what comes to one’s mind the minute this word is uttered! In the process of raising socially and emotionally balanced children, we start our explanations, reasonings, sometimes longest tirades with kids at an appropriate age..in this , respect is one value which mostly is inculcated as an obvious but sometimes somewhere this needs to be reinforced..examples-

Respect for someone’s efforts – an emphasis on the effort a parent or caretaker takes in assembling and putting together a meal..I have noticed that kids always almost seem to either linger on the morsels in their mouths or on the flip side, swallow it down their throats! For something which has been at times, painstakingly put together, to see it go down the slide in seconds feels that whoops! What happened, how could my efforts be swallowed, not savoured!? If only it had been relished or chewed delicately, wouldn’t it have been better? The wondrous feeling is that at least the stuff is gone but alongside the gentle explanation ought to be rendered. Maybe at a later time and date, it’s value would be appreciated!

Respect for privacy – here the challenge is to expect privacy in the presence of little nosey pokers! We can always get that little space in their absence but the idea here is to respect the privacy of the grown ups in their presence, much like how the moms and dads respect their space with their friends and peers.

Respect for grandparents – this swings from overt love and sentiments bursting out when their object of desire is met to a total 360 degree turn should the case be otherwise, maybe in not so harsh a manner, but it’s rather obvious . Here, respecting the intentions and motives of the adults who are rather oblivious most times to the current fads of kids would be appreciated.

Respect time – many a times the parent or the care giver is so very taken for granted where time is concerned; to have all their stuff dealt with, all their time bound activities slotted perfectly etc.etc. Here,  again to respect the fact that all this takes a good bit of time – management on the part of the people doing it.

Last but not the least, teaching  kids to respect the similarities and differences between the many lot of people they will meet in the journey called LIFE is of utmost importance in my mind.

Children, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Confidence and complexes

Self doubt is such a kill joy in so many areas of our lives. Yet , somehow, this doesn’t seem to get out of our systems . Maybe it’s lack of effort on our part, maybe it’s complacency set it, maybe it’s accepting that this is it, or maybe the complexes play a great role! No two DNA’s are the same , yet knowing this well, somewhere the hidden complexes show their ugly faces and we do get trapped at one point or the other! These need to be clipped or unnecessary our burdens are passed on unknowingly and unconsciously to our children.

Kids are kids and they all have their very own innate and unique abilities. In the yarn of emulating their peers in areas of interest completely different than theirs, there is grave injustice done on our parts. For one, we could be doubting ourselves in recognising their individuality and this then slowly eats into their self confidence. I have known someone who for the longest time doubted her kid’s capability where academics was concerned and this self doubt manifested in a rather negative manner, completely uncalled for and completely out of self control mode. In this the kid too sensed the ” my mom doesn’t really expect anything from me” kind of attitude and his confidence/ competency was surely affected. So not required! As they say, NO ONE CAN MAKE You Feel INFERIOR WITHOUT Your PERMISSION! Why give this in the first place? After much sitting down and talking to sessions with her, the matter was salvaged though only partly still.

The performance pressure is truly a big load for all in all areas and when it comes to academics for kids, it seems to be THE talking point. So much has been written about this , if only we all sit back and assess our own kids INDEPENDENTLY without the aids of what’s app pressures and other comparisons. The theory of multiple intelligence is well proven, it’s only the implementation that remains. In playing along with their own distinctive style of learning, am sure I will see wonders , if otherwise, it may be a learning curve for me which also could be interesting and challenging in its own way. Here, the moot point is in recognition in the way ones own child learns and then building on this. I have felt the absolute need to empower self before I can think of empowering my two. Competency and confidence are quite closely linked and this awareness sure comes both with time as well as time spent with the child. No other parallel truly exists!

A sincere attempt ought to be made to drive away our complexes and give our self confidence a boost! A confident appearing parent sure raises a confident child in what I have seen so far.