Author: growingupmatters

I am a mother of two, blessed to enjoy the energies of a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl today.The journey so far has been lovely and I have gathered some know-how into the why's and what's of growing kids. Have started writing my experiences which I will be sharing with you'll periodically. It's only meant to be a platform of my observations of child behaviour. Hope it throws up some insights which may be useful to some. Cheers to the new year and my new foray in this writing journey!
General, Mindfulness l

Hail Teachers

growingupmatters

Hail this community more than ever before! Is never easy to have a smiling face and a cheerful disposition at all times and now with a screen to talk to all day and elicit a response without having to raise your voice is more than applauded. Some may beg to differ on this observation but that’s perfectly ok. In my opinion, the challenges faced are more than many and to come out of it when we see the other side of our current gloom with their heads intact will be quite a treat to all.


With the constant surround sound, one is but forced to know the teaching style, the tone and otherwise other guarded secrets, away from the pry of a breed called the “parents”. A mere, how was your day ? at the end of school hours was all one was used to and the rest was never known too much to form an opinion on anyone. Now, all their cards are wide open and the situation doesn’t give them any choice. As people , we would all like some parts of us to be only ours, even in our thought process and speech but with such levels of constancy in talking, these “only my” thoughts also begin to creep out in some ways. As long as it’s subtle , they’re good but kids somehow have an uncanny knack of digging and probing and sometimes bringing out the worst in adults. They do so with us parents, so am sure the teachers too face the brunt of their constant probing. It’s amazing to see their patience level when they have to repeat instructions/ concepts over and over again to bring the matter down to the least common denominator in the respective class. Patience on their part, as a virtue is so so visible now, albeit willy- nilly at times, am sure.


This is one community which has shown many what selfless support is all about. In this, judgement calls are still exercised by some which I feel are so uncalled for. It’s like a court battle is on and a slight blink can make the judge in parents come out loud and strong! If at all, a humane approach is all what needs to be shown for these tireless set of educators. The much needed golden words of appreciation are to be generously used now.
Let’s hope we lockdown  our individual biases when the children step out and meet and greet these noble souls with all the adulation and merit they deserve. It would be a win -win for all.

General, Mindfulness l

Humility

growingupmatters

Such an amazing trait to be spotted amongst humanity! And an absolute delight to know and meet people with this quality.


If a parent/ adult has overstepped the line in disciplining and the correct usage of words ( which being humans is quite a possibility), this should come out as an honest admission and remorse on their part  rather than the false pride which creeps in out of pure seniority. It would set the relationship right back in motion. Teaching kids to be humble about their achievements sets a tone of balance for them in their adult life, and I have seen the evidences in many a kids who are known to me. As they say, let the achievements talk for themselves.. it feels more weighty and in subtle ways conveys the emotion and the joy behind it.. it’s not exactly wrong to tom-tom about the many doings in a kids school life , after all it’s super motivating, super encouraging, super high and a super morale booster ! It’s the tone and the usage of words that sets it apart. Here’s where an upbringing trait called humility comes into play. If instilled at an early age, can be something to lean on for all of their lives. A sense of false pride has only led to the downfall  and history is a witness to this. Kids who resonate with this from an early age often gravitate to others with the same trait. The playing field for them is of course very very large considering they have only set out now in the external world and their interactions would be a plenty with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Wisdom eventually, as they grow up, will be in sieving the wheat from the chaff, which life would hopefully teach them. But in their growing up years, it’s nice to keep reinforcing the future benefits of being humble. With this, smartness, especially the street smart one has also to be embedded onto their learning else the jolts they would face would be quite sharp! They sure would be learning grounds but again, how to manouvre and navigate from tricky situations and even trickier people would be how well they present their case with a good dose of humility. It can be sensed and spotted from a distance.


The simplicity with which you present your case also stems from how humble you are as a person. Some linkages are sure there between simplicity and humility. The humble and the show-offs among kids is so stark as it’s coming from sheer innocence on their part. It becomes imperative for the adults to spot this line between the numerator and the denominator if it is too deep. The behavioral trait is noticed very easily by the teachers as they have a huge number of kids to deal with and observe. Sometimes, we folks overlook this sense of false pride in the yarn of confidence. Keeping a repeated check  and providing an honest feedback is a good idea. Of course, firstly the folks should have this trait in them else it’s no good. As kids resonate all they learn from their surroundings and their folks, the onus is that much more on us to raise kids with empathy and humility in most areas where one can influence. Some zones cannot be touched upon as they are too much an inherent part of ones personality. Actions always speaks louder than words so maybe cues will be picked up by them upon seeing our reactions and behavior towards people and their certain mannerisms.


Who said raising kids with an all rounded , well aware and having all the worldly good qualities that are there is easy!? We can only do as much! 

General

Summer time funk

growingupmatters

It’s the time of the year I normally would really look forward to! Thankfully, a short trip here and there in the past few months were greatly cherished but the summer break has a different charm to it . It’s usually a more sought after one..one that is planned and mostly executed to perfection or even if there were imperfections, it made it that much more memorable. Families with school going children get this big window to step out for multi activities ranging from camps to summer workshops, to swimming,to exploring new interest areas, all in the touch and feel model!

This time, last year, we were reminiscing the many travels in the summer months that took us to many places/ countries which were all unique and exciting in their own way. Those many sights flooded our own individual visions and we went about on a trail talk..one thing led to the other and one landscape changed to the other in the blink of an eye! Oh! Those wondrous moments! The recalls were so much fun and the memory jogs outpaced our slow and inactive current lives. The kids brought forth the many clicks captured digitally as also the happy painstaking effort I took to paste those memories in physical form for the touch and feel factor!

This year is a deja vu of sorts all over again! There were many thoughts and ideas emanated from all about the many gorgeous sights the world has to offer and could be attempted after one long arduous year but alas! looks like it’ll be yet another long vacation at home. Nothing wrong with it though but the kids questioning has started about the repeat factor of last year and knowing fully well about the situation not under their , or for that matter, anyone’s control, there is still that secret desire to be out in the open somewhere for a sense of a break from the routine. Convincing our minds that it would not be so is all one can do at this point in time! The hope of a holiday , outside of home, is now deferred to yet another school year -end.

Meanwhile , the small but nonetheless wondrous joys about slow start to the day, lazy mornings, complete erratic schedules of daily living, no fixed meal times as well as meals, eat-sleep-repeat patterns as and when , screen time beyond comprehension with the online world the means to connect with pals, play games, engage in idle chit chat, some board games thrown in for good measure with siblings/folks, frequent trips to the kitchen to dish out bizarre combinations, attempts at culinary skill development, reading and attempting new ways of being in touch would all be the things the long summer break will be looked forward to!! The plans of stepping out to feast our physical/ mental states with “SOMETHING NEW” rolls over to a deferred date and time, unknown at this stage!

“Hope for a better tomorrow ” is something that will make us all feel cheerful and positive in our own ways despite the morbidity and our helplessness of many things and situations. So, let’s get going forward in these summers with all things cool, all foods the season has to offer, all the beauty of the greens and nature which , year on year, never fails to keep up with its dates, irrespective of the situation on ground and the excitement every holiday brings with it for things unknown, experiences unseen and the unfurling of the long days !!

Mindfulness l

PURPOSE

growingupmatters

Enough written, discussed and said about this word and each one has a different take to it and each take is right!

Long term, short term, now..are the time lines one works on. It’s however, very simply put as your own drive which is yours and only yours . Ikigai, meditative gurus, eminent personalities, the Gita have all spoken about this extensively . In assimilating information from all, re – reading their thoughts and relooking at reality, all but gets shaken up every now and then with the thought “which way is my life swerving”! It’s all in the good as long as we reason it out with our own life map. As cars dealt are different, the playing field also varies. What could mean a purpose to you could be labelled as a mere existence for some and vice versa. Ever so often, this purpose would alter and it ought to do so at different life stages. The classic question posed in different interview stages from a student to a marital alliance, to a prospective employer about his so-called final purpose has had to be addressed but not with much know -how of the ground reality. Today with the dynamics changing ever so often, for the ones who’ve gone with the flow and blended well, it all seems so very logical to have a purpose which is not a rigid one. Also self brandishing and self berating seems and sounds so very self torturous, both in mind and body.

Small, daily routines can be meaningful and purposeful and big resolutes can be all so futile. Just to be up on the bright side and view the day as a new one in itself is a purpose of sorts. What can be made routine as a purpose is to have a good laugh, enjoy a good mirth and try and balance the pluses and minuses with a cheerful disposition.

The drive in ones life is never rigid and rightfully so. It’s the small adaptations one makes that go a long way, in form and character. Also, at times to up ones’ ante in a small chosen purpose can be a big morale boost. With kids, I have noticed that their short lived goals are all small, quantifiable purposes ànd the way they jump around from flower to flower in search of nectar, akin to the butterflies, is what makes their present purpose so very beautiful! So all and all, not to have a defined purpose is perfectly ok and it’s best if we walk around with our dignity, humility and head held high so as not to float amidst the clouds but remain rooted to the ground reality, it will all be just good.

Mindfulness l

Weekend living

growingupmatters

If anything this past year has done to us is to teach us to live our lives on a daily basis. Extending this in today’s context, why not continue this for all of our time and not try and push everything to the sweet spots called saturdays/ sundays..agreed, with most of us having a rather busy work week, this kind of comes in the way and the weekends become our prized hours but now with some heightened time management skills acquired by many of us in the past few months , the 7 minus S days can be put to good use and some changed routines / joyful pursuits can be enmeshed in them.

Somehow, weekend splurges are so a part of our DNA that the thought of otherwise almost ceases. My kids also , over time, have made their sat-sun feel so very special for themselves that the other ones fade in comparison. So many milestones and otherwise specifics are rolled over for convenience of a weekend. It’s precisely this choice of convenience exercised over everything else that slowly begins to supersede our otherwise analytical and thoughtful mind and makes for a layer so difficult to permeate through! In the entire gamut of our preferences, if somehow we can change our minds to live in the moment, it’ll all be so very nice. The burden of the so called restful days which eventually come way loaded would gradually begin to ease off and an openness to accepting living/ celebrating/ existing on a daily basis would become more joyful. Convincing oneself has always been a daunting task but not impossible, if we choose to! It’s the mind which, as one graphic tshirt says, ” evil genius” that ought to be used intelligently!

There’s an almost derided unacceptance with the kids in our house that everyday is a birthday and every moment is to be lived for. It’s much to their chagrin but we keep pulling it off in the hope that it’ll register some day even if it’s way past their childhood. That way, every meal can be a party too so the pressure to load our systems on the weekend is minimised. Win – win for all in all matters in every way! I,sometimes, have that smirk on my part and almost gloat when the choice of days/ time/ meeting is slapped on our faces and we have to accept it with a straight face. So love one sided commands , at times! Makes decision making/ abiding smoother than a scornful smother! Daily drudges can feel a lot better if the thinking changes. The inevitables have to be pushed/ accommodated for the end of week days, but what’s very easily doable in one’s personal scope can be looked into. The load on travel, food, traffic etc etc would be so under control that am sure, it’ll be for everyone’s greater good, both physically and mentally. I don’t know if all this sounds rather pedagogical but in the past few months since we’ve almost lived our lives on a daily basis so to say, it can be implemented in small ways to begin with. Some super instant gratification can spring in more surprises and smiles than delayed/deferred planned activities. Life, after all is best in spontaneity!

On and all, if it makes the slightest sense in the real world for practical implementations, I would say let’s go for it! At worst, the reversal to the old ways remains an option but now with so many of us making so many small changes, let’s try this too. History has always spoken about the immense adaptability of the human race so why not create another chapter for our own little history books to be looked into at a later date! More memories!!

Live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonite!.. as Garfield says..

General

Looking back while looking forward

growingupmatters

The cocoon in which we all have lived in the past few months has slowly but reluctantly opened up for many. In many ways, yes, we are all moving on and that’s the way it should be for survival as we call it a day or a rather unusual year and march on boldly . The new change of the date brings in a psychologically new ray of hope and a new start. There is almost a pressing urgency to erasing this year as quickly as possible. Is this a step we should all see as a positive one or does this bring in more elements to think of?

While the tomorrow looks highly anticipating of some magical and quick change, some of us are in the looking back mode as now the safety net bubble has not only been punctured but also burst in some cases. Good to feel that we have somehow managed to overcome many fears though treading with caution will be the new normal. Those lockdown memories for the many who have started to bravely venture out with defined caution as also the ones who are still in the wary stage are now forming in their minds slowly and steadily. The times spent together with the family over meal times are now a thing of distant past..good or bad, well it’s the way one looks at it , but they sure have become memories. Those firsts of the many zoom calls with family and friends are now deja vu. They still continue but not in the same light as were before.

When going out was not an option, the drive was so much to get there; now being able to get there doesn’t feel the same! It’s sort of neither here nor there! Those culinary wonders that were dished out are on the list of ” not to repeat for a while now “for those many excesses. Those many classes and new pursuits one attempted will be, oh, looked back with a mixed feeling, some of achievement (the painting on this write up is my experiment with the pencil and brush and colours!) or of a mere attempt but whichever way it was, it sure will be something to look back at. To look back at the ease at which road navigation with an underlying fear of accidentally encountering a human being in close proximity seems oh! so very distant. When it was like a tall order being slapped on us which we had to adhere to, we resented but now when the chaos has restarted on the streets, those quiet and peaceful drives are missed!Today , we have reached a stage of we can but must we, we can but should we, we can but…and all such kind of should we/shouldn’t we issues. But yes, the larger humanity has loosened up quite a bit with fears now bundled up and openness becoming the norm. Like everything else, this year in due course of time will Also be capsuled in posterity.

As we are on the verge of the year end, while the virus does not believe in such finite closures, it’s nice to move on now with a ray and a shot of positivity. As always is the ritual to talk/ pen down thoughts of the months gone by, the missing piece would be the many clicks of those close family gatherings one usually ends up having in a calendar year as also the many short / long vacations taken. For folks with school going kids, like me, it’s the many small joyful experiences of their concerts, sports, cultural events and all the hype and hoopla that goes with it. No amount of virtual technology can come a shade close to the glitches experienced personally and eventually it’s these little imperfections that we realise are our reason for living!

Overall, it’s something that all of us have taken it in our stride and we should only pat ourselves for our resilience and efforts taken for keeping ourselves and all of our near and dear ones safe, healthy and positive!

Cheers to a new way of accepting life as a new year unfolds!

General, Mindfulness l

Tempting offers

growingupmatters

Resisting or giving in, as the case may be to this one big word called TEMPTATION is something we all do every other day, knowingly or unknowingly

In the current scenario with ONLINE having become the buzzword or rather the most used term, school going kids are going to be tested and evaluated about the efficacy of online learning ,all coming fore in the form of copy, paste, download,upload and the likes.. Here, kids have all the possible tempting drive to peek into their study material in sly and twisted methods. The search engines, am sure are popping up with suggestions about manoeuvering ways to evade the examiners eyes and more. The dig in to temptations of these supposedly easy-breezy-cheesy kind of examinations is all pervading. Here is where the so called Moral values kick in. The small and different ways, sometimes explicit, sometimes obscure , sometimes obvious, sometimes askance is where all of us parents have invested a good part of our energies and this is where the outcome of all the investments will show up . It is in these easy to peek in your books kind of situations does the true character of the individual coated with his childhood values peek in. The temptations are kept at bay, or rather are meant to be kept that way for a clear conscience and sound upbringing. It’s gratifying to see the young teens in their honest endeavours and not trying to push the tempt button. 

Stepping out now with caution has now become the norm. Giving in to the tempting offers of violations for expressions of it’s ok and now am more than done may prove detrimental and might teach us a lesson learnt the hard and difficult way. All of us at times are tempted to lower our guards as humans who have been forced to live a certain new way of life without a definitive tomorrow! Now the talks are on to meet and greet folks with almost a rage and fury!

Tempted to eat and shop at an easy pace is so very alluring. Hard to resist the urge when it’s known that the places of one’s choice are within reach, specially after the tall order of being scooped inside our four walls. Temptations are all but draws and pulls towards all things fun and exciting. The forbidden drives to locales abounding greenery is oh! so very inviting! Closer home, there is also the time and again desire to just beat the hell of the situation and somehow fly. So very tempting the thoughts are for the kids to be a part of the aviary family where freedom is never restricted.

So many more tempting offers are emanating from the online stores that serious prudence is required else succumbing to these would be a cakewalk. These people were always showing us the Carrot and tingling our senses with deals and more and we all knew the hiddens behind them but now the tempting grabs for them is getting more and more. The carts were never so full with all and more than ever before! Deep down we all know about Adam and the apple but let’s see for how long we can steer ourselves away and tread the path of control and caution, whereever required. Hope we all outdo ourselves in this..

General, Mindfulness l

Kids and why?

growingupmatters

Cannot blame them for the restlessness and whys if we adults get the home fatigue way too often in these new times. We can at least use our better judgement and more controlled mind in getting used to this way of home arrest but really can’t hold them to ransom so very often, and probably rightfully so! It’s their age to be outdoors, to meet with friends, to engage in game play and beyond a point, no amount of cajoling can get their little minds to accept this harsh reality of measured existence. Even the times they sometimes step for external stimulation for the weather, open air, bigger panorama to watch etc. , it is no cure patch for their fragile minds and at the end of the day it is still a very secluded lifestyle and a very alone kind of eerie feeling.  Their very wry remarks of ” my walls are tired of looking at me” , ” no fun in celebrating birthdays without the missing candies in school “, ” no egging and nudging” etc. etc.paints  a very morose kind of picture…remarkably  still, the way their resilience shows up is amazing, time and again!

Most of us older folks have gotten over the many NO’s with them in this stage. Conscious policing is helping at times, but mostly the reins are let loose..now HOW exactly all of this will pan out is a wait and watch kind of scenario. Maybe the good that might come out of it is a good bit of detachment from the world of see and learn and maybe the other merits kick in, maybe their world and their worldview could take a turn for the better, who knows?? maybe saturation with devices would become a pleasant eye opener for us , everything is rather in the hope and pray department! Till such time, one has no choice but to patiently answer their eternal question of ” when am i getting to meet my friends and play with them?” The teachers in their online school are also putting up quotes for them to visit and revisit the  ” tough times don’t last, tough people do”sorts. This too has a wry outlook for them and a very contrived, make believe sort of reassurance!

Now that some leeway is offered for many of these little prisoners of time, feet are their best bet for a stroll or a leasurely walk around the block with adequate protection. Cycling comes to the rescue for the ones who have it. A neighbourhood friend joining in with them in this pursuit brings about the feeling of remote connectivity. On and all, these little souls are and should be given that extra dose of pamper pills for calming their pent up potential energy and most of us folks are doing that. Technology, we all thought can take over our lives but the extent was never known! The gentle transformation of these waves have almost reached a crescendo way before time where the kids are concerned. Let’s hope Mother Nature restores the balance soon for all of us to step out, meet and greet and eat and play together!

General, Mindfulness l, Uncategorized

Comfortably numb or comfortably settled?

growingupmatters

So, with most humanity behind closed doors, so many obvious stuff is made more obvious and has now come out loud and clear..

The general health, here I am addressing the physical one, is better than ever before with strict and somewhere Hitler- like form of stricter adherence to timely intake of edibles. ( the opposite is also true in cases! ). Tall order to be at the table and adherence to it has benefitted the otherwise mind- convincing hacks of consuming meals -when -able kinds and also trial and error with more outside options. The takeaway option does exist and the drive is still there to try and experiment with neatly packaged easy to consume meals but somewhere the resistance is working alongside!

All exciting new experiments in the kitchen by one and all was the rage when this whole wave began; now , with time , all has but ceased to exist..more of us now realise and understand the merits of normalcy where stomachs are concerned. The race to outdo self has now settled in a calm pace and rather than sprinting excitedly on this track, we seem to be happy with a slow walk down the our kitchen’s path. The results are all but seen in many with ” feeling fit ” without the very exhaustive fitness regimen. Basic staple can be so very lovely is now better understood than ever before.

The birds nesting and the young ones showing their beaks was observed almost like a live science show! Their growth patterns and trajectories were marked with a smile what newness and new creations brings forth. The green buzz around all of us became the new buzzword. So far, we have experienced one season changing to the other, willy nilly though, but now the comfortably settled numbness is secretly hoping to see yet another change of season from the confines of our homes. A lot of mind crunching work has also been achieved in this period for a different tomorrow by many , and it’s waiting in the wings to soar. One has to really jog his memory to realize when this kind of a mind resetting exercise was done earlier. The freshness and joy for rejuvenated thinking will definitely bear fruit when we all step out in the new world.

So many mindful thoughts are emanating towards compassion, empathy and the likes that, were it to consume all of us, we would pat ourselves on our backs in its close understanding and relevance. Of course, the zoom meets are waiting to be hurled out of our windows and the mere waves and acknowledgements are waiting for contact approval . This lacuna somehow just can’t be gotten over, and rightfully so for coexistence! No fun in outdoor and car meetings at all..All and more have learned to coexist or will learn soon but the touch and feel, brick and mortar and kick and play is what all of us are really seeking! Till such time, comfortable numbness is becoming the way to move on and probably rightfully so for mental peace and calm.

General, Mindfulness l

Originality compromised?

growingupmatters

Was always I guess,  but is more apparent in today’s age..my kids still enjoy the game Pictureka..for all who aren’t aware, it’s tag line is “find it first, find it fast”..many pictures on a grid and the one who gets to point them out first is a clear winner.Today’s scenario with the barrage of whatsapp and other media feed, mostly over-fed is following this pattern more than ever before..very few are eyeball worthy; most are veneering towards an overdose of ideas and opinions of people, some sure fully baked and ready to consume but most of them half baked! The originality is all but missing from all except the creative brain behind it. Copying is so rampant for many that they sometimes forget that the pool of misinformation and sometimes excitement provided is available to all with a device in their palms. Were they to use their well formed cranium, we would all be blessed with so many more interesting reads and opinions..of course, this feed is there in plenty for consumption for the seekers and they sure have ways of finding them.

My write here is to emphasise the excitement for borrowed excitement! Basically, the mojo of many is to be the first,or at least think they are , in many spheres and really nothing wrong about it ! It is when this so called original and first cascades down only to note that there’s nothing original about it!. All the existing art, culture, thoughts, ideas etc. have been in existence from time immemorial and it’s the way one tweaks them that makes it interesting. There is so much joy to touch, feel and try and miss and retry and the loop going on thereof. The glitches in original creations but demands a gentle eye from many, primarily because of the glitches. With time, one does come to realise that most thought-of original ideas are anything but original. But the take each one takes from it is what makes it wonderfully original. The drive today has become to quickly forward many forwards thinking about it as being the original one to transmit information, willy nilly. The excitement for feeling to be the first of the many firsts is phenomenal! Kids are becoming the major contributors in this. Shuddering to think now with times changing rapidly to more heads ducking down, how much more challenging will it be to get these young ones to sieve and possibly plug out this barrage of the many tempting multitudes!?

The constant desire to be ahead of everyone is, I suppose the driver for all of this. It’s nice to develop a world view to be ahead of others which could be an assimilated coalition of many a reads, many a hearsay, many an eavesdrop , also, at times, many a thoughtful listening, many an engaged conversation. That would be definitely considered original in every which way. Why, even small things like the eating patterns of an individual tweaked to bring about an eye opening originality can be a treat! Endorsing people’s opinion to tune into their inner core emotional state may also prove to be a good learning experience . After all, it’s through experiences and learnings thereof one grows as a person , in form and character as well.Good strive , I guess, to be original in thoughts, opinions and ideas with gentle tweaking and trying and being the ” first among equals” in many a things, if at all..

With so much at stake in the current times, good to note that many of us are trying to bring in small joys and make our life worth living. Just a tad bit reduction in borrowed excitement can bring in more personalised joys and with so much of thinking time available, am sure most of us are treading that path. Own found, own cultivated and own honed with own copyrights would be a wonderful outcome.