General, Mindfulness l

Friends and more

Friends and friendships are one of our great social connections in our lives. Friends are made right from neighbourhood to school to college to work and then at the parenthood stage, to friends of kids friends’. Then, there are the social group friends, the pals made at various hobby outlets ,the social contacts with friends of friends and many others. Whom we once called our really good friends also has its own shelf life depending on our very own life stage. What felt like our true and truer pals cease to be so not for anything else but for the growth each one has taken and their current circumstances.

Friends drop and add as we journey through our lives. Some old school/ college friends either fade away with time or different geographies makes it difficult to stay connected on a personal level. Of course, the current age has made it possible to stay in touch but unless physical connections are there, one cannot fathom the depth of the relationship. Some very dear ones made in your teens and 20’s begin to feel distant to you in your current stage and frame of mind. Part of it could be owing to each ones own evolution and growth which either has kept pace with yours or has taken a very different one and of course there is the part where the regularity of staying in touch has not been there. You move on, they move on and when you meet after really really long, you find it not so easy to connect and relate. One definitely has a nice time with time spent on that day or that evening but then we leave it at that. Also, you could have enhanced your mind with different experiences whereas they would have remained either static in their minds or veneered in directions completely unrelatable to you and so closes another friendly chapter with the person. It merely stays then as an acquaintance. There is no regret in it though!

With time constraints, it’s getting increasingly tougher to find someone with whom you could really really talk without constant punctuations about their own set of woes and worries. Each one has his own share of issues to counter yours. You sit wondering what you really expected was a good ear but what you got instead is an unwanted earful. Such is life and such are friendships! The good part is at every stage, there is always someone to lean on to!

General, Mindfulness l

Reliving the 3 R’s

Children’s lives are so very sorted should I say! Till such time they are school going, the pattern is almost seamless.There are the 3 r’s we all have grown up with and this pretty much has shaped most of us and so will they for our kids. Some physical play/activity is how we end up ploughing their extra energies and voila! life and living is well worth it for them!

In our growing up and adding years and experiences along the way, the elements of the 3 r’s gradually begin to taper off for some of us. This void is filled with other important elements but if somehow we  all could retain these r’s,  the entirety of living becomes more meaningful! I am sitting here explaining to the kids the importance of writing to learn as a better bet  compared to mere reading and trusting our memories. Blessed are those folks whose kids are born with a photographic memory but for mine, I am more for writing. A good attempt must be made by us senior folk as well to include writing as one of our outlets in ways one finds befitting to our  personalities. Penning down small thoughts which are read so often seem more meaningful once we have actually written them down. The minute you have physically used a pen, the retention is that much more. This is well proven beyond doubt.

Reading has all its pluses for vocabulary, thoughts etc.etc. and we encourage the kids to take this up seriously. For the ones grown up on this wonderful hobby and are pursuing it still, it’s smooth but for the many who have given this up along the way thanks to the many media distractions and other pursuits ,taking time out for insightful or inspirational or fun or general reading keeps ones  mental juices flowing and then exchanging talks and ideas with people around  feels more enriching and interesting.

The R associated with numbers is pushed aside , noticeably, by many of us thinking about it being complex. Well actually this too needs to be exercised else this bit can get rusted sooner than we think. The benefits of number games and other similar engagements is again well researched and proven. Small self challenges on our part to crack this number code can be actually very good for us.

For better options and sometimes better excuses and justification of the same, we move away from these. Taking some time out from our routine schedules and actually making an effort to re -explore and re -learn the forgottens can be a good start to re – energise our adult minds.

General

50 and growing!

The number 50 does feel a milestone of sorts on many occasions and hitting that number gives one a great high! I am no different here, so when I sit writing my 50 th post, it’s with a sense of a good bit of consistency on my part! My start was triggered by nothing more than penning down my thoughts and using this as a medium of communicating my feelings. It’s been nice to have my thoughts read by my WordPress family and of course all my well meaning friends and family. The comments have been honest and valuable.

With warmth and a deep sense of gratitude, I hope to continue on this journey! While writing my understanding on this very sensitive topic of raising responsible children, I myself have gained more know how thanks to the feedback received!

With my kids growing up fast, my blog will also take a different growth trajectory!

I treat 50 as young and hope to add more by way of content and engaging thoughts!

Cheers to all!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Respect for all

Give and get is what comes to one’s mind the minute this word is uttered! In the process of raising socially and emotionally balanced children, we start our explanations, reasonings, sometimes longest tirades with kids at an appropriate age..in this , respect is one value which mostly is inculcated as an obvious but sometimes somewhere this needs to be reinforced..examples-

Respect for someone’s efforts – an emphasis on the effort a parent or caretaker takes in assembling and putting together a meal..I have noticed that kids always almost seem to either linger on the morsels in their mouths or on the flip side, swallow it down their throats! For something which has been at times, painstakingly put together, to see it go down the slide in seconds feels that whoops! What happened, how could my efforts be swallowed, not savoured!? If only it had been relished or chewed delicately, wouldn’t it have been better? The wondrous feeling is that at least the stuff is gone but alongside the gentle explanation ought to be rendered. Maybe at a later time and date, it’s value would be appreciated!

Respect for privacy – here the challenge is to expect privacy in the presence of little nosey pokers! We can always get that little space in their absence but the idea here is to respect the privacy of the grown ups in their presence, much like how the moms and dads respect their space with their friends and peers.

Respect for grandparents – this swings from overt love and sentiments bursting out when their object of desire is met to a total 360 degree turn should the case be otherwise, maybe in not so harsh a manner, but it’s rather obvious . Here, respecting the intentions and motives of the adults who are rather oblivious most times to the current fads of kids would be appreciated.

Respect time – many a times the parent or the care giver is so very taken for granted where time is concerned; to have all their stuff dealt with, all their time bound activities slotted perfectly etc.etc. Here,  again to respect the fact that all this takes a good bit of time – management on the part of the people doing it.

Last but not the least, teaching  kids to respect the similarities and differences between the many lot of people they will meet in the journey called LIFE is of utmost importance in my mind.

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Independent wirings for better connections

We really are taken back to our own childhood when we see our little ones sharing and exchanging information with us! Nothing has changed, nothing will change, nothing is expected to change and THAT is the good part. The only change we see is the way things are expressed. We too had stuff for mum and stuff for dad and liked the privacy in each case. Shared stuff was meant for sharing but the sanctity of individual relationships was equally, rather more important.

For kids, this weighty issue of “who reigns in my household ” is different at different stages of their growing up! Firstly there is no direct reign but prominence of one over the other still remains. Currently, in my set up , the quotients are handled jointly depending on the simplicity or complexity as the case may be. Being around most times, I have very conveniently taken the emotional hinging part along with the other procedurals. Not to say this is entirely my domain though and would prefer it that way!

The sensitivity required to manage kids when they are saturated with current favourites and can’t seem to figure out what next is very challenging! It’s a very helpless situation that the child gets into and it requires more than once talking to in trying to get them out from the cesspool of their own thoughts! Mom here comes to the rescue in handling some part, dad is also been spoken to separately.

My elder one is presenting into “I have my own pocket money, now where do I spend it”? The mother in me thrashes most of the ideas their brains generate for spending the monies..it all seems too wasteful, too extravagant and too not needed( typical mom and I am no different !) but to drill this into their minds requires yet again deftness of words and choicest of carefully put sentences .Here mostly dads come to the rescue of handling the matter more practically. Sometimes I really wish I had the dad temperament! It so settles most matters with absolutely authority and minimal intervention. It also settles fast, faster than fastest. The yes and the no is so crystal clear in their case; I, at times, question my own abilities and my confidence in them! (I still like the negotiations with me sometimes though, more so when they swerve and sway for interesting takes! I step out the minute the matter starts spiralling for a dose of quiet and step right back in to do my bit.)

On and all , I can say that the different personalities bring out the different elements of questioning, reasoning and solutions and this cements the bonds more. The idea is to bring out the best in our kids and actually it’s nice in ways that the mom – dad twain doesn’t meet!! Familiarity does breed contempt but here familiarity also brings proximity. Moms and dads don such different roles!!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Thrust on TRUST

“I am letting you take my lovely back pack only because you insist, but if you ruin it, you watch out!”. Of course, said in a mild jestful tone, but somewhere after saying this, I started doubting my own trust in my kid! At most, my child ruining/ losing/ misplacing my bag is what it could be, but not trusting him enough surely is not getting anywhere either! I have sometimes felt the the lack of this word is not so much in their minds as much as it’s in us grown – ups!

Trust developed early on sure has its benefits! Their minds are a blank slate when they enter schools . As far as the school system is concerned, their first words/ instructions given to them have to be trusted else very soon dependency kicks in. All but is not known about situations panning out, systems working the way we wish to, behaviours we expect and more of these; what really keeps it going is our trust in all of this! Our sixth sense is rather strong on many things, the rest can be safely tucked away in a neat packet called TRUST. If it’s otherwise, it’s only really causing us displeasure.

When my kids embarked on their little hobby journeys, I started off by trusting their instincts and taking it further to the hands who were involved with them, namely their teachers. Not every story is a happy one but by and large, it does pay off in the larger scheme. When trust was entrusted on them, their confidence too showed an upward trend. As tomorrow is not known ,moving on with the utmost confidence and trust in the way things are, of course exercising caution when need be ( trust in God but lock your car!) is the way I make peace with myself.

I may be foolhardy in trusting them with careful handling of precious bric-a-bracs and letting them play around with objects like balls, racquets etc. in the house but then so far, it has been rather ok I guess . Sometime , someday, I may get ugly on this! It’s rather important to let them know about you trusting them! Giving them the responsibility with many first- time experiences, complete faith in their understanding of situations in their own limited ways, letting them resolve their own issues etc. can be a good trustworthy way forward for them to face the world.

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Verdict- guilty!

Guilt pangs is all but natural in this exciting journey of raising kids. It manifests itself in many ways, both for us parents as well as our kids. Whilst guilt can be a part in the repertoire of my many feelings , something which has to be stuck with and fully endorsed is not losing my faith in motherhood. That’s certainly not nice!

The rules are all well known, implementation and that too timely is what the challenge is. It’s well documented not to raise your voice in front of their peers, not to spank them in public, not to yell our lungs out for personal inability to cope with situations and the many other not to’s. I have failed in all and more of these mentioned, not once, but several times and have slept with that very painfully nagging feeling. My counts are surely going south and this is where my faith stands strong!

The other day, my son very enthusiastically palmed of a currency bill in my hand. Without my questioning, I was told that this is the money he accidentally took from my wallet. I sense a good bit of guilt from him on this one but am also pleased at his self realisation. We really haven’t got deep in this ( the mother -son owe one another some notes here and there) and my benefit of doubt has kicked in this first time. It shall be duly addressed should I see a repeated pattern but as of now happy to note that the guilt has registered in a positive manner. Then again, when sibling rivalry kicks in my abode, I hear guilty pleas from either- or after the matter has been quelled. This sure doesn’t come instantly but hindsight thinking brings it out and that too endorses my faith.

We all mere mortals experience this guilt feeling in our daily existence right from binging on that extra slice of pizza or, in my case sneakily stealing the rightful owners’ chocolate. One way to look at this is feel guilty and do nothing about it, yet another one is to realise this and try and plug the pattern. The only feeling that pushes us to move on is the one of self realisation and as long as this value is in our kids, we are home!