General, Mindfulness l

We the people- PART 1

Life and living is such a wonderful blend of myriad people we end up interacting with daily. The many lot in one’s repertoire makes for interesting observations and learnings. The uniqueness of everyone while being different makes for good insights.

I thought of penning down a few in broad categories and this is purely stemming from my own experiences. The finer nuances are but an altogether different category within these broader ones!

There are the general acquaintances who for most parts are kept in the general box of people I know and am comfortable with that . Casual greetings and kept to yourself thoughts make up this lot. A great number of people fall into this box if one is a parent of school going children. So many faces ring a bell but such little is known of them. Just their outward appearance and brief talks is enough for gauging the potential of they moving up in your own personal ladder of adding people in your lives. Why, actually after a certain life stage, less is more feels more comfortable!

The all discerning people come with their own know it alls. Some absolute genuine ones are gems and open to fresher insights and it’s interesting to be with them while some believe rather strongly about the old adage of” knowledge is power.” These latter ones could be hijacking every conversation in the yarn of knowing more , at least thats what their minds tell them. The ground reality is very different when met on a one on one basis as the real soul has no choice but to speak up his thoughts in a more close knit set up and then the proverbial opening up of the Pandora’s box happens! Honestly, it’s absolutely just fine to not know everything under the sun and moon but the seemingly discerning soul is not in acknowledgment of this. It requires deft handling and veneering the talks from their point of view to a larger world view. No one here is trying to gain brownie points but the idea is to enjoy those wonderful brownies together ! Experiential lot speak with more clarity and depth of understanding compared to heresay and bookish know how lot.

Then , there are those  Insecure minds who try and justify every action of theirs without being told to. The outside rational viewers can see this trait but at the same time find it hard to explain the demerits of it all to them lest it be construed as you being the lucky soul in the world. Hidden comparisons only raises their insecurities further.

Unbiased and non judgemental factors really works wonders but the human mind thinks otherwise. The ones that I know who have these wondrous qualities are really unfettered by the many going ons  àround them and somehow are at peace. It is almost become my very mission to be like one of them ! Here emulation is, I know for the larger good . Sadly there’s no hidden formula but small conscious changes can get me there I feel, even if not all the way though in this lifetime! The weather, universe and its bounties are for all in equal measures,it’s only how each of us take it personally and grows or benefits or uses them to favour our own lives that makes the difference.

There are so many other lots , sub lots and I will very soon pen down PART 2 of this!

At the end of it all , the strive should be to be oneself and accept oneself with utmost level of self worth and confidence. Anything else is a mere pretence.

General, Mindfulness l

FOCUS

So now looks like we all have taken 2019 in our stride rather well..why, the number of feet pounding those mud tracks in the jogging arena of the parks around seem to say so! The beginnings of fitness schedules have kicked off in more ways than ever. It’s now left to see the sustenance levels of those happy or tired or focussed feet.

Whatever it is that one has consciously taken a stock of, evaluated and considered worthwhile to pursue can be done with dedicated focus. Unrealistic goals should be steered clear off the course and reasonable measured small jobs in areas where we wish to better ourselves have to be focused upon. Taking too much on one’s plate is a recipe for utmost frustration and near zero results. Even if the results from these many chosen endeavours does see the light of the day, the hidden stresses would prove to be detrimental later on.Wisdom only says to quantify and break the whole into doable and dealable parts and timely evaluation of the same. Regular sustained efforts should be the yardstick. The new year is but a fuzzy line separating the year gone by with the current one! In my view no change of the date/ calendar should hold us or propel us to take the steps we wish to towards our own greater good.

I , for one , have assessed over time and experience the areas where I need to focus and the results , as and when, would ONLY gratify me to the greatest possible extent  . Alongside, the wish is always there to see this affecting the people who matter in my existence in a positive manner. In the broader scope, these are the usual suspects all of us have to deal with in our lives- the physical, emotional, social , intellectual and spiritual issues. How well we try to change/ enhance/ acknowledge /improve our own shortcomings is the only measure. The gratitude in the end will be the completion of our own self chosen goals and how well we enmesh them in our everyday living. Here, work in progress can be rolled over to timelines which again, should be set by us and ONLY US ! Our living will make us slip in many areas owing to circumstantial pressing urgencies but as long as the will, determination and continuous reminder is with us, we are there.

Acceptance of our rough edges and smoothening the ones we wish to is something very personal to each of us and it’s  nice to keep it that way. Awareness and focussed approach should see us getting to where we wish to without the date and year fuzz.

General, Mindfulness l

Weather and mood and more

So, the weather does play a big role in ones temperament and I am one big affected soul with the way the wind blows! During this time of the year, there is a general feeling of joy and cheer and this cascades on to all things and people around. The air seems nicer, the mood is upbeat and what better way to begin ones day with that mug of coffee tasting better cupped in those warm cozy hands!

The walks, drives , short trips around all seem more pleasant and invigorating.The intake of goodies goes up exponentially and the waist and guilty heads grows parallelly. Still, justifications to the great weather feels and sounds comforting. The holidays and general light heads all add up to the winter glory. In this , kids’ extra shenanigans are given the nod and inudulgences become the key, be it the Santa Claus kinds or the holiday – mood parent kinds.

Friends and family all add up to this year end mood. Parties, outings and social connects make for good memories. All possible gratitude thoughts and other such feelings begin to surface in various forms and shapes. The exercise routines are well attended to and  the thought that the new year will bring in fresh and renewed listings for weight and other such checks and controls, life and living seems all very optimistic and sorted! It’s actually just a change of the date but somehow, the whole piece of I will do this and I will do that takes centre stage. Realistically, no weather and change of date/ day should be the deterrent , but it is for many and probably justified rather convincingly too!

So, here’s cheers to all things bright and beautiful and to see better versions of ourselves in the new year . Good weather, holidays especially the year end ones have always been the yard sticks for positively and they do have a say for our minds and matters.  As long as we are true and in complete acknowledgment to our thoughts and feelings , the turn of the day will surely be brighter!

General, Mindfulness l

Truly, health is wealth

So this whole of last month has been rather busy with our annual travels to meet parents, in laws, festivals and the added measure was minor ailments..yes, all this came in the way of clean mind space to pursue written thoughts! Now hopefully all that is behind and the joys of punching those keys should resume!

When physical health goes for a toss, life suddenly swerves ! Even hearing about close acquaintances going through health troubles slows down our own mental make up. No matter how positive one tries to stay, those glitches does hamper our existence.There’s truly nothing else that should matter more to anyone other than good physical health. It keeps us on, keeps us positive and mostly keeps us happy. Our personal health is all very much in our hands and each ones formula is very distinct to that individual. There’s no one rule for all, no matter how many rants about dietary and exercise this or that’s are written about. Here, one has to figure out exactly what works for those endorphins release but release they must! Be it in a long relaxed walk or a jog/ run with music and adrenaline pumping, or a new form of dance taken as a hobby or a completely new or a long lost sport restarted, anything that keeps our physical form going is a great thing. Sudden unexpected and so completely out of time and age small discomforts with our bodies can come up at any stage of our living and dealing with these requires a good frame of mind which stems from good mental and physical health.

It’s nice to sit and figure out at different stages, what changes need to be incorporated to keep ourselves going great. What worked yesterday might be required to either be modified or tossed out for a different life stage. Our own physical being is ever changing so it’s only prudent then to understand us and accept our current physical state humbly.

Rigidity with a few things and flexibility with a few others should do the trick. Too fussed or overthinking or too many restrictions on self can prove to be self detrimental. As in everything else, balance and good understanding of ones own anatomy works wonders. All and all, taking the health glitches in our stride but consciously focussing on positivity is the way forward as we grow or age.

General, Mindfulness l

Friends and more

Friends and friendships are one of our great social connections in our lives. Friends are made right from neighbourhood to school to college to work and then at the parenthood stage, to friends of kids friends’. Then, there are the social group friends, the pals made at various hobby outlets ,the social contacts with friends of friends and many others. Whom we once called our really good friends also has its own shelf life depending on our very own life stage. What felt like our true and truer pals cease to be so not for anything else but for the growth each one has taken and their current circumstances.

Friends drop and add as we journey through our lives. Some old school/ college friends either fade away with time or different geographies makes it difficult to stay connected on a personal level. Of course, the current age has made it possible to stay in touch but unless physical connections are there, one cannot fathom the depth of the relationship. Some very dear ones made in your teens and 20’s begin to feel distant to you in your current stage and frame of mind. Part of it could be owing to each ones own evolution and growth which either has kept pace with yours or has taken a very different one and of course there is the part where the regularity of staying in touch has not been there. You move on, they move on and when you meet after really really long, you find it not so easy to connect and relate. One definitely has a nice time with time spent on that day or that evening but then we leave it at that. Also, you could have enhanced your mind with different experiences whereas they would have remained either static in their minds or veneered in directions completely unrelatable to you and so closes another friendly chapter with the person. It merely stays then as an acquaintance. There is no regret in it though!

With time constraints, it’s getting increasingly tougher to find someone with whom you could really really talk without constant punctuations about their own set of woes and worries. Each one has his own share of issues to counter yours. You sit wondering what you really expected was a good ear but what you got instead is an unwanted earful. Such is life and such are friendships! The good part is at every stage, there is always someone to lean on to!

General, Mindfulness l

Reliving the 3 R’s

Children’s lives are so very sorted should I say! Till such time they are school going, the pattern is almost seamless.There are the 3 r’s we all have grown up with and this pretty much has shaped most of us and so will they for our kids. Some physical play/activity is how we end up ploughing their extra energies and voila! life and living is well worth it for them!

In our growing up and adding years and experiences along the way, the elements of the 3 r’s gradually begin to taper off for some of us. This void is filled with other important elements but if somehow we  all could retain these r’s,  the entirety of living becomes more meaningful! I am sitting here explaining to the kids the importance of writing to learn as a better bet  compared to mere reading and trusting our memories. Blessed are those folks whose kids are born with a photographic memory but for mine, I am more for writing. A good attempt must be made by us senior folk as well to include writing as one of our outlets in ways one finds befitting to our  personalities. Penning down small thoughts which are read so often seem more meaningful once we have actually written them down. The minute you have physically used a pen, the retention is that much more. This is well proven beyond doubt.

Reading has all its pluses for vocabulary, thoughts etc.etc. and we encourage the kids to take this up seriously. For the ones grown up on this wonderful hobby and are pursuing it still, it’s smooth but for the many who have given this up along the way thanks to the many media distractions and other pursuits ,taking time out for insightful or inspirational or fun or general reading keeps ones  mental juices flowing and then exchanging talks and ideas with people around  feels more enriching and interesting.

The R associated with numbers is pushed aside , noticeably, by many of us thinking about it being complex. Well actually this too needs to be exercised else this bit can get rusted sooner than we think. The benefits of number games and other similar engagements is again well researched and proven. Small self challenges on our part to crack this number code can be actually very good for us.

For better options and sometimes better excuses and justification of the same, we move away from these. Taking some time out from our routine schedules and actually making an effort to re -explore and re -learn the forgottens can be a good start to re – energise our adult minds.

General

50 and growing!

The number 50 does feel a milestone of sorts on many occasions and hitting that number gives one a great high! I am no different here, so when I sit writing my 50 th post, it’s with a sense of a good bit of consistency on my part! My start was triggered by nothing more than penning down my thoughts and using this as a medium of communicating my feelings. It’s been nice to have my thoughts read by my WordPress family and of course all my well meaning friends and family. The comments have been honest and valuable.

With warmth and a deep sense of gratitude, I hope to continue on this journey! While writing my understanding on this very sensitive topic of raising responsible children, I myself have gained more know how thanks to the feedback received!

With my kids growing up fast, my blog will also take a different growth trajectory!

I treat 50 as young and hope to add more by way of content and engaging thoughts!

Cheers to all!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Respect for all

Give and get is what comes to one’s mind the minute this word is uttered! In the process of raising socially and emotionally balanced children, we start our explanations, reasonings, sometimes longest tirades with kids at an appropriate age..in this , respect is one value which mostly is inculcated as an obvious but sometimes somewhere this needs to be reinforced..examples-

Respect for someone’s efforts – an emphasis on the effort a parent or caretaker takes in assembling and putting together a meal..I have noticed that kids always almost seem to either linger on the morsels in their mouths or on the flip side, swallow it down their throats! For something which has been at times, painstakingly put together, to see it go down the slide in seconds feels that whoops! What happened, how could my efforts be swallowed, not savoured!? If only it had been relished or chewed delicately, wouldn’t it have been better? The wondrous feeling is that at least the stuff is gone but alongside the gentle explanation ought to be rendered. Maybe at a later time and date, it’s value would be appreciated!

Respect for privacy – here the challenge is to expect privacy in the presence of little nosey pokers! We can always get that little space in their absence but the idea here is to respect the privacy of the grown ups in their presence, much like how the moms and dads respect their space with their friends and peers.

Respect for grandparents – this swings from overt love and sentiments bursting out when their object of desire is met to a total 360 degree turn should the case be otherwise, maybe in not so harsh a manner, but it’s rather obvious . Here, respecting the intentions and motives of the adults who are rather oblivious most times to the current fads of kids would be appreciated.

Respect time – many a times the parent or the care giver is so very taken for granted where time is concerned; to have all their stuff dealt with, all their time bound activities slotted perfectly etc.etc. Here,  again to respect the fact that all this takes a good bit of time – management on the part of the people doing it.

Last but not the least, teaching  kids to respect the similarities and differences between the many lot of people they will meet in the journey called LIFE is of utmost importance in my mind.

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Independent wirings for better connections

We really are taken back to our own childhood when we see our little ones sharing and exchanging information with us! Nothing has changed, nothing will change, nothing is expected to change and THAT is the good part. The only change we see is the way things are expressed. We too had stuff for mum and stuff for dad and liked the privacy in each case. Shared stuff was meant for sharing but the sanctity of individual relationships was equally, rather more important.

For kids, this weighty issue of “who reigns in my household ” is different at different stages of their growing up! Firstly there is no direct reign but prominence of one over the other still remains. Currently, in my set up , the quotients are handled jointly depending on the simplicity or complexity as the case may be. Being around most times, I have very conveniently taken the emotional hinging part along with the other procedurals. Not to say this is entirely my domain though and would prefer it that way!

The sensitivity required to manage kids when they are saturated with current favourites and can’t seem to figure out what next is very challenging! It’s a very helpless situation that the child gets into and it requires more than once talking to in trying to get them out from the cesspool of their own thoughts! Mom here comes to the rescue in handling some part, dad is also been spoken to separately.

My elder one is presenting into “I have my own pocket money, now where do I spend it”? The mother in me thrashes most of the ideas their brains generate for spending the monies..it all seems too wasteful, too extravagant and too not needed( typical mom and I am no different !) but to drill this into their minds requires yet again deftness of words and choicest of carefully put sentences .Here mostly dads come to the rescue of handling the matter more practically. Sometimes I really wish I had the dad temperament! It so settles most matters with absolutely authority and minimal intervention. It also settles fast, faster than fastest. The yes and the no is so crystal clear in their case; I, at times, question my own abilities and my confidence in them! (I still like the negotiations with me sometimes though, more so when they swerve and sway for interesting takes! I step out the minute the matter starts spiralling for a dose of quiet and step right back in to do my bit.)

On and all , I can say that the different personalities bring out the different elements of questioning, reasoning and solutions and this cements the bonds more. The idea is to bring out the best in our kids and actually it’s nice in ways that the mom – dad twain doesn’t meet!! Familiarity does breed contempt but here familiarity also brings proximity. Moms and dads don such different roles!!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Thrust on TRUST

“I am letting you take my lovely back pack only because you insist, but if you ruin it, you watch out!”. Of course, said in a mild jestful tone, but somewhere after saying this, I started doubting my own trust in my kid! At most, my child ruining/ losing/ misplacing my bag is what it could be, but not trusting him enough surely is not getting anywhere either! I have sometimes felt the the lack of this word is not so much in their minds as much as it’s in us grown – ups!

Trust developed early on sure has its benefits! Their minds are a blank slate when they enter schools . As far as the school system is concerned, their first words/ instructions given to them have to be trusted else very soon dependency kicks in. All but is not known about situations panning out, systems working the way we wish to, behaviours we expect and more of these; what really keeps it going is our trust in all of this! Our sixth sense is rather strong on many things, the rest can be safely tucked away in a neat packet called TRUST. If it’s otherwise, it’s only really causing us displeasure.

When my kids embarked on their little hobby journeys, I started off by trusting their instincts and taking it further to the hands who were involved with them, namely their teachers. Not every story is a happy one but by and large, it does pay off in the larger scheme. When trust was entrusted on them, their confidence too showed an upward trend. As tomorrow is not known ,moving on with the utmost confidence and trust in the way things are, of course exercising caution when need be ( trust in God but lock your car!) is the way I make peace with myself.

I may be foolhardy in trusting them with careful handling of precious bric-a-bracs and letting them play around with objects like balls, racquets etc. in the house but then so far, it has been rather ok I guess . Sometime , someday, I may get ugly on this! It’s rather important to let them know about you trusting them! Giving them the responsibility with many first- time experiences, complete faith in their understanding of situations in their own limited ways, letting them resolve their own issues etc. can be a good trustworthy way forward for them to face the world.