Beingmommy, Children, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Mantra for mammas!

Mommies, time out for yourself to stop and smell the roses!! A direction which would translate into beautiful blossoms where the kids are concerned. The mantra which we all know works for SURE!! It’s our confidence in this truth which needs to be reinforced time and again.

A good degree of self – neglect on our part has an affect not just on our own well -being but this sure comes in the way of raising children, specifically when the onus is , for most parts, on an individual called mommy. The routine is by and large a great leveller for getting past the dailies. In this, what I have experienced gets forgotten is to pause in the midst of the daily chores and take some time out. Here, merely taking time out in spending time outside the house only does the trick partly. Much rather , at times, it seems all too contrived! It’s a temporary feeling of well being, at least for me. Also, leafing through the daily papers/ current read or engaging in wholesome entertainment provided by the media giants is again time involvement. For the mind to generally reflect on one’s behaviour and to make timely necessary changes ,what has really rejuvenated is pondering amidst the chaos, self – checks on repeated patterns and constantly working ways in the mind to plug the gaps. Kids are high demand material and they are capable of sapping a good bit of our physical as well as mental energies. What balances the equation is self reflection with a generous dose of self kindness. Somehow, if this becomes a way of life, as routine as unconscious breathing, we truly can feel good about life. Difficult but possible.

Much has been written about this in the Zen Buddhism, Sufi teachings, daily gratitude tips, kind words/ thoughts first thing in the mornings etc. etc. If reflected upon them with a thoughtful mind, these sure add flavour to our days and hence our childrens’. I am trying to teach my two the path to this in my own ways . Sometimes it pays, more often I hear rants like ” I will wreck so and so ” dating back to a grimace of yesterday, day before yesterday, day day before yesterday and more such back dated issues. Moving and marching on with self -reflection is sure not a cake- walk but a gentle one, it sure can be!!

Children, General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Verdict- guilty!

Guilt pangs is all but natural in this exciting journey of raising kids. It manifests itself in many ways, both for us parents as well as our kids. Whilst guilt can be a part in the repertoire of my many feelings , something which has to be stuck with and fully endorsed is not losing my faith in motherhood. That’s certainly not nice!

The rules are all well known, implementation and that too timely is what the challenge is. It’s well documented not to raise your voice in front of their peers, not to spank them in public, not to yell our lungs out for personal inability to cope with situations and the many other not to’s. I have failed in all and more of these mentioned, not once, but several times and have slept with that very painfully nagging feeling. My counts are surely going south and this is where my faith stands strong!

The other day, my son very enthusiastically palmed of a currency bill in my hand. Without my questioning, I was told that this is the money he accidentally took from my wallet. I sense a good bit of guilt from him on this one but am also pleased at his self realisation. We really haven’t got deep in this ( the mother -son owe one another some notes here and there) and my benefit of doubt has kicked in this first time. It shall be duly addressed should I see a repeated pattern but as of now happy to note that the guilt has registered in a positive manner. Then again, when sibling rivalry kicks in my abode, I hear guilty pleas from either- or after the matter has been quelled. This sure doesn’t come instantly but hindsight thinking brings it out and that too endorses my faith.

We all mere mortals experience this guilt feeling in our daily existence right from binging on that extra slice of pizza or, in my case sneakily stealing the rightful owners’ chocolate. One way to look at this is feel guilty and do nothing about it, yet another one is to realise this and try and plug the pattern. The only feeling that pushes us to move on is the one of self realisation and as long as this value is in our kids, we are home!

Beingmommy, Children, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Mum, not NOW! LATER please!

Hear these words ever so often!!

The thought to push away things for tomorrow is such a tempting option. I do this many a times in various contexts. To expect kids to act promptly and on time is a struggling battle, definitely to be won some day, some time, though there is this hidden wish that the sooner the better! At this stage, I feel I still have some more travel left on this particular journey !!

There is this strong urge to resist work, be it of the household nature or even the small expectation from their revered teachers at school. The last minute jerk is what is liked, like it or not! Disciplining them with the benefits of NOW to get to a better tomorrow is my best bet. I know and we all know that. Work at school assigned with a longer shelf life is almost  consumed on the last day before expiry! All days prior to that resonates with , not now, later! Small tasks like putting away the scattered mess is deferred very politely and conveniently. My experiments with certain foods also gets similar response! Here, it’s slightly different in the sense that mom’ s efforts in the kitchen and refusal to sample is handled a bit more gently ! ( at least the guilt bit is learnt by now!). Sometimes, my two speak and justify the later bit so convincingly, I almost feel wrapped deep inside multi layers of sweet talk!!

Till such time we take the uncalled for mommy stress upon us for them doing their work on time, this fight and long tirades with them would continue. Having said that, the control we exercise today slipping away sooner than we think is also not a happy thought! Therefore, the continuos fight! In most cases, eventually the work , be it school assignments, cupboard clearing, sorting papers and the likes does get through, the wish of them acting when we have commanded is what the strive is all about!

The NOW teaching has to be now! else as years are added, complexities also multiply and the reasonings for deference will only go up. Small but meaningful learnings at pre – teen stage will hopefully go a long way. Very soon, I see myself developing an all- together different approach to get my point across. They too are plotting plans similarly so it will be fun to see who wins or much rather am  hoping for a win- win situation for all, lest the losers ego takes a hit, something deeply avoidable!!

General, Mindfulness l

Spring cleaning!

Spring cleaning, woo hooo!! Love it when there is that mood to declutter! And it could actually happen anytime or several times a year. The idea is to maximise on the feeling when it sets in!

Am sure many of us moms like to safely store and keep things for the younger siblings ..I had those train sets bought for my son and saved it for my little girl to use it one day, then those half used colouring / connecting the dots books , the many jigsaw puzzles and many other such trivia. Why , I thought that my younger one would wear those plain basic jeans! I mean , a pair of jeans is a pair of jeans and you really can’t go wrong but , when it was time for her to try it on, oh well, it didn’t look any good! I did pull out those dinky cars and the bey blades to even out the boy/ girl barrier, but honestly, they didn’t survive very long! So the idea was not to reshelve them , no matter in how great condition they were, but simply to give them away! DECLUTTER! Out of sight, out of mind !!

It was a liberating feeling to do away with those many used books, odd coloured t shirts and not to miss those many chaotic stationery all over the place! Of course, this all happened in the absence of their rightful owners else they will go right back in the shelves / storage as their suddenly discovered favourites!

I have felt very good at the things I have managed to reuse and recycle and have personally applauded my efforts. But equally happy I am when I have passed on the old bed spreads, lamp shades, crockery and my love to sleep in /lounge clothes and those O so cool shoes for someone else to feel cool in them, if they wish to!

The freshness of spring and those flowers everywhere makes one feel bright and happy and doing away with unwanted, some day/ sometime may want, really do I want ? thoughts out from the mind. Not just the vibration around suddenly feels light and clear, even the mind seems to like it!

 

Beingmommy, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LET THEM BE

I wish I can let this “mommy holiday attitude and temperament ” become my permanent trait! There is a sense of calm and easy living when the kids are on their term/ summer/winter break.Everything that has to, moves on , rest waits! The sometimes subtle but rather constant rants and nags are also on a break! Basically children are just left to BE. I know this has a lot to do with no set timelines and no routines to be followed , still, walking with this attitude for the rest of the year is something I would simply love. REALLY.

While they are still young and the pressures of higher classes has not yet kicked in, it’s nice to let them be, spend their time in a care free manner and let their minds wander. The free time they have heightens their imagination , some crazy, some rational but on the whole, interesting and NICE. In any case, before we know , time just flies!

Just as our greens are watered only as much and then are left on their own, likewise, for the children as well. Just nurturing them appropriately, not less, not more and then waiting for them to grow and blossom would be more joyous than anything else. Giving them the space they need to grow into mature adults is something that we should give and hopefully tomorrow they will not disappoint us.

With relationships in the adult world becoming more and more fragile, it will be the kids who have been given this non nagging and free space and timely detachment /disentangling from our apron springs , eventually grow into people who can manage their future relationships better.

BE FOR THEM BUT LET THEM BE!!

 

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LAUGHTER is infectious!

Laugh and let laughter flow amidst the chaos of life! There are various mood uplifters like retail therapy,coffee with friends, longish walks, soaking in nature, pretty flowers, and the likes..however, one which is an instant one is to laugh out loud!

My 2 conspired amongst themselves that should they hear an unnecessary rant from my end, they would immediately try and dissolve it by going through a big bout of laughing..yes, when they did it initially,it did get to me but very soon I too joined in and in a minute, the infectious laughter became all consumed and the rants were forgotten.

The silliness of kid talk is all very well known. A silly limerick made by them, some words twisted and repeated ever so often, a jig or funny movements by them can be all ridiculous; however, laughing it out when they expect this of you is a small indulgence which can be offered . This might also become your instant mood booster and may brighten your hour! Of course, if this comes in the way of your important and serious chores, it can be rather annoying but then that’s what children excel at! To talk about the most irrelevant thing when you are in the midst of your bath routine , to grab your attention when you are attending to a supposedly important call, to make the most of the situation at hand when you have guests over and likewise.

In all of this, the one thing that keeps you going is a good laugh..so, lets make a good attempt to smile more often and try and get that funny bone tickled by the ones we care for and love! While they are small and the seriousness of life has yet not got to the kids, let’s make the most of the carefree, happy, childlike days spent in many happy laughs!! It sure will loosen up all those stressful bouts and negative emotions!!

 

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

B A L A N C E

Some days I start my days by taking the customary yogic breathe – ins and breathe – outs to the count of 8 ..it’s somewhere a wonderful start for me. The day goes on peacefully without me raising my whisper forget my voice. Then there are days I find myself pigging on the leftover cake over the kitchen sink first thing in the morning and how the day goes with the kids , is well, the less said the better! I call this BALANCE!

It’s rather easy to see and know the dictionary meaning of the word but to practice it in real time, well , that’s the challenge! There is complete awareness of how the scales need to be balanced while dealing with kids but if only it can be done everyday! Certain ground rules are a must and adherence to the same is the key. Kids are very savvy to wrangle out an extra hour for TV watching on school days or randomly listening to a so-called  THE  song when it’s completely out of turn and tune! A good balance of temperament is what is needed most to handle such situations. This , for me, really comes from a firm affirmation to begin the day on a positive note. Honestly , as most mindful living books preach and teach – meditation , chants for some, first positive thoughts etc.sets the precedent for the day and once this is done, the day with kids is a cakewalk! It’s so very nice to close the day with the feel good feeling! There are days where I end them with perfect rants and feel good with that too but then as I say, that’s MY balance!

To try and maintain harmony in a household with school going children around, my experience is to plan out my days’ chores in a physically and mentally dealable manner, to try and not pack too much in those awake hours if they are really not time pressing urgencies. Of course, exceptions are there to this ideal mix but on a larger scale if a sort of doable list is maintained, the day seems sorted in most aspects and the smoothness of ones dealings with the children is for all to see! On that note, let’s try and figure out our own individual wheels to move on smoothly.