Beingmommy, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LET THEM BE

I wish I can let this “mommy holiday attitude and temperament ” become my permanent trait! There is a sense of calm and easy living when the kids are on their term/ summer/winter break.Everything that has to, moves on , rest waits! The sometimes subtle but rather constant rants and nags are also on a break! Basically children are just left to BE. I know this has a lot to do with no set timelines and no routines to be followed , still, walking with this attitude for the rest of the year is something I would simply love. REALLY.

While they are still young and the pressures of higher classes has not yet kicked in, it’s nice to let them be, spend their time in a care free manner and let their minds wander. The free time they have heightens their imagination , some crazy, some rational but on the whole, interesting and NICE. In any case, before we know , time just flies!

Just as our greens are watered only as much and then are left on their own, likewise, for the children as well. Just nurturing them appropriately, not less, not more and then waiting for them to grow and blossom would be more joyous than anything else. Giving them the space they need to grow into mature adults is something that we should give and hopefully tomorrow they will not disappoint us.

With relationships in the adult world becoming more and more fragile, it will be the kids who have been given this non nagging and free space and timely detachment /disentangling from our apron springs , eventually grow into people who can manage their future relationships better.

BE FOR THEM BUT LET THEM BE!!

 

General, Uncategorized

Cherishing those clicks!

With technology and apps becoming our almost survival tools, all of us have tons of pictures and moments so very well captured, saved and neatly tucked away in those little devices. Great usage of technology , great advancement and great going but somewhere , I feel this takes away the pleasure of browsing through good old physical albums and the flip and turn experience.

I put my time and energy in this exercise by sieving through the devices periodically, mostly when I am done with the annual ritual of birthdays which are never missed on the clicks! This clubbed with any vacations or priceless moments taken in the calendar year has worked for me. Those ready to use albums or sometimes personalised versions or better still the hand made ones become my little storage houses . On one of those lazy days, the kids and I savour those precious moments from the toothless smiles to those broken teeth, from then to now, from why to how with gaping awes and many smiles! Getting the physical prints and pasting/ putting them together has so far been very satisfying for me and I hope to carry on with this little tradition I have made for myself.

Agree they will add to the bulk but then I don’t practice the Japanese way of minimalist living either so I don’t allow this to become a weighty issue at all !

May not be a bad idea to revisit those phones, iPads, computers and try to get them out from there for all to see, love and enjoy those many moments!

General, Parenting

TALKING TOMS

I am my childrens’ biggest sounding board for every minute detail of their lives so far! Maybe the age of innocence is still on or maybe I am an always available mum to them! Also, my two talk nineteen to a dozen! Yes , we all are aware that one has to be physically present when there is a need to communicate but I would like to believe that strong emotional ties would do the work just as well in their limited presence. It’s the feeling with which we reciprocate their banter that sets the wheel of communication in motion. This ” coming out of heart and honest ” feeling is very quickly sensed by the kids and the gates open up.

In this healthy exchange of words, their inappropriate language can be corrected, the usage of unnecessary words can be thwarted, the origin of their fears can be understood and so many other patterns of growing up can be sensed . The key here is to simply LISTEN and do so honesty and with all ears..anything less and their mouths will shut.

Some kids yes, are quiet and not so communicative by nature but they do send enough cues for you to pick up. Here, a good deal of patience is needed to extract those words from their mouths but it’s a given that they will pour out as long as the receptiveness is sensed by them.

So in an age where technology has consumed us in ways beyond our boundaries, may be worthwhile to rejoin the living rather than living in whatsapp and start to build strong communication channels for our kids and us to sail smoothly.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LAUGHTER is infectious!

Laugh and let laughter flow amidst the chaos of life! There are various mood uplifters like retail therapy,coffee with friends, longish walks, soaking in nature, pretty flowers, and the likes..however, one which is an instant one is to laugh out loud!

My 2 conspired amongst themselves that should they hear an unnecessary rant from my end, they would immediately try and dissolve it by going through a big bout of laughing..yes, when they did it initially,it did get to me but very soon I too joined in and in a minute, the infectious laughter became all consumed and the rants were forgotten.

The silliness of kid talk is all very well known. A silly limerick made by them, some words twisted and repeated ever so often, a jig or funny movements by them can be all ridiculous; however, laughing it out when they expect this of you is a small indulgence which can be offered . This might also become your instant mood booster and may brighten your hour! Of course, if this comes in the way of your important and serious chores, it can be rather annoying but then that’s what children excel at! To talk about the most irrelevant thing when you are in the midst of your bath routine , to grab your attention when you are attending to a supposedly important call, to make the most of the situation at hand when you have guests over and likewise.

In all of this, the one thing that keeps you going is a good laugh..so, lets make a good attempt to smile more often and try and get that funny bone tickled by the ones we care for and love! While they are small and the seriousness of life has yet not got to the kids, let’s make the most of the carefree, happy, childlike days spent in many happy laughs!! It sure will loosen up all those stressful bouts and negative emotions!!

 

General, Parenting

Disappointments are perfectly OK!

Perception not equal to reality equals to much disappointment. The feeling is disturbing in some measure, dealing with it takes time and like it or not , this IS the hard fact of our day to day existence with people, places and things.

The good in your eyes is not so good when the better is expected from an outside evaluation standpoint. In one instance, it was a rude shock to the concerned teacher when there was a disconnect between his expectation of the student and the final outcome on the report card. In another one, the coach was sure to have this kid in the basketball team but the substitute coach felt the very opposite. Both these experiences naturally left the kids rather disturbed , but somewhere my heart too bled as a parent.The mismatch between perception and reality really DID disappoint me!

Disappointments are very much a part of a child’s growing up , be it as simple as not being elected the monitor, ( much rather cannot boss around!!) , exempted from the coveted school club ( here you get to go out of school and that fun is missed out!!) standing nowhere in an event for which they have felt there couldn’t have been any better prepared , complete failure in an activity in which they consider themselves as good as good can be! and many others currently in their limited scope of exposure.

We all adults who live in the adage of “been there done that” , CAN ONLY emphasise and highlight to them the importance of carrying on , not giving up easily and to strive for continued improvement. A good practice on our part could also be to NOT go overboard over small achievements every single time,  NOT to indulge in repeated treats for doing their obvious work well and in time, to be level headed and casual about daily happenings and to teach them as and when that disappointments are perfectly OK and they must be dealt !It will only help them become stronger and better.

Uncategorized

Life is NOW!

Quick thought about life is now!

GrowingupMatters

Everyone is , by now, aware of the universal fact that life is NOW! Still, we go on and on in living with the past, sometimes regret, most times resentment and anger! As the onus to train and teach kids lies with us, why don’t we , sometimes learn this simple PRESENT living from them! The simplicity with which they bounce back from situations is amazing!

Changes of circumstances, residence, school is all taken in its stride..sometimes, the loss of a known acquaintance is also forgotten with time, much to the concern of the caring adult. The adage of “out of sight out of mind ” feels misused at times , but , to give credit to the innocent minds which believes in the TODAY and THE FUTURE IS NOW somehow overtakes any regret! How ,I wish I could be resilient with my daily happenings! Am trying and am sure…

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Beingmommy, Parenting

GREAT EXPECTATIONS!!

Human nature is one of expectations ( though many would beg to differ) about many things – looks , weight, wants, desires, friends, family etc. etc. SO!  why leave the kids alone from this enormous burden we all take upon ourselves ? Great to look at the picture down here and have that gentle smirk or even that subtle smile about it but am sure all parents out there are guilty of this little talk at some point or the other.

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So many expectations we all have of our kids. As much as I would like to think otherwise, in my own little way, I too fall in this trap! See them doing something nice and worthwhile and there goes the mind in telling me that this is it! This is my child’s calling! Then a few days on and this is dumped right under my nose! There goes my expectations on this front..why, just why did I think a MASTER will emerge from this new found and new loved activity or a passion?

A positive way is to ask our kids to raise the bar and their expectations of their doings in THEIR OWN EYES. The ball is thus in their court and lets allow them to serve an ace at their own pace. This may also bring in a sense of elevated self belief and confidence in them. We all would be happy too!!

Another experience I have had is that while it’s great to talk aloud about the many happy doings on their part , it’s equally beneficial to keep them to one’s mind only , to smile about the repeated successes or to quietly deal with the unexpected outcome.

So let’s just once again, breathe ( it’s become almost my go to word of late) , enjoy and savour the moments, take it easy, realistically EXPECT good behaviour and manners from them and for the rest, remind and affirm ourselves that nature will take its course! As long as we are honest about our behaviour worthy expectations ( and they CAN see them rather clearly) the battle is won! Let’s wait for time to unfold the many small joys and surprises. Till such time, as their custodians, let’s practice to say what we mean and mean what we say!!