General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LAUGHTER is infectious!

Laugh and let laughter flow amidst the chaos of life! There are various mood uplifters like retail therapy,coffee with friends, longish walks, soaking in nature, pretty flowers, and the likes..however, one which is an instant one is to laugh out loud!

My 2 conspired amongst themselves that should they hear an unnecessary rant from my end, they would immediately try and dissolve it by going through a big bout of laughing..yes, when they did it initially,it did get to me but very soon I too joined in and in a minute, the infectious laughter became all consumed and the rants were forgotten.

The silliness of kid talk is all very well known. A silly limerick made by them, some words twisted and repeated ever so often, a jig or funny movements by them can be all ridiculous; however, laughing it out when they expect this of you is a small indulgence which can be offered . This might also become your instant mood booster and may brighten your hour! Of course, if this comes in the way of your important and serious chores, it can be rather annoying but then that’s what children excel at! To talk about the most irrelevant thing when you are in the midst of your bath routine , to grab your attention when you are attending to a supposedly important call, to make the most of the situation at hand when you have guests over and likewise.

In all of this, the one thing that keeps you going is a good laugh..so, lets make a good attempt to smile more often and try and get that funny bone tickled by the ones we care for and love! While they are small and the seriousness of life has yet not got to the kids, let’s make the most of the carefree, happy, childlike days spent in many happy laughs!! It sure will loosen up all those stressful bouts and negative emotions!!

 

General, Parenting

Disappointments are perfectly OK!

Perception not equal to reality equals to much disappointment. The feeling is disturbing in some measure, dealing with it takes time and like it or not , this IS the hard fact of our day to day existence with people, places and things.

The good in your eyes is not so good when the better is expected from an outside evaluation standpoint. In one instance, it was a rude shock to the concerned teacher when there was a disconnect between his expectation of the student and the final outcome on the report card. In another one, the coach was sure to have this kid in the basketball team but the substitute coach felt the very opposite. Both these experiences naturally left the kids rather disturbed , but somewhere my heart too bled as a parent.The mismatch between perception and reality really DID disappoint me!

Disappointments are very much a part of a child’s growing up , be it as simple as not being elected the monitor, ( much rather cannot boss around!!) , exempted from the coveted school club ( here you get to go out of school and that fun is missed out!!) standing nowhere in an event for which they have felt there couldn’t have been any better prepared , complete failure in an activity in which they consider themselves as good as good can be! and many others currently in their limited scope of exposure.

We all adults who live in the adage of “been there done that” , CAN ONLY emphasise and highlight to them the importance of carrying on , not giving up easily and to strive for continued improvement. A good practice on our part could also be to NOT go overboard over small achievements every single time,  NOT to indulge in repeated treats for doing their obvious work well and in time, to be level headed and casual about daily happenings and to teach them as and when that disappointments are perfectly OK and they must be dealt !It will only help them become stronger and better.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Shhh…observe silently..

I am not very sure about dads but I believe somewhere mums do learn a thing or two from other mums..while the different strokes for different folks application holds true largely, observing and making necessary modifications is not a bad thing after all . The best is not always the best if we were to step aside and see the situation from a third angle perspective. In doing things real time, very often for me, time pressures and the idea to get done with it takes the better off the matter / issue at hand!

A lot can be learnt by mere observations and the responses thereof. I very often find myself telling the kids to find solutions by sheer observations. Of course, it’s not something they connect to immediately, but I feel in repeatedly talking about it, somewhere sometime soon, I may see the results. My pottering about in the house, tending to the greens, going about with stuff around the kitchen etc. is silently but surely setting the precedent for a certain behaviour or a certain expectation. From reading and largely by observing child behaviour, a lot of thoughtful insights can be gained.

Now that spring is almost in the air, and the trees around are awaiting the blooms, the sightings of pretty colourful birds on the barren branches are rather clearly visible. My 8 year old has been observing them at closer range and trying to see a certain pattern. It’s fascinating to note that in quiet observations, kids can learn a thing or two from nature.

As in various yogic and meditative practices, it is taught to be mindful about situations, it may be a great idea to teach the young minds the power of observation from a young age. They may just be more responsive than react to the many challenges that life will throw at them.

 

Parenting

YOUR FACE says it all!

Children, besides having their own identity, are most often reflecting their parents actions, words, thoughts etc. and this is not something that we are not aware of.Yes, we consciously try to be at our best when they are around, but the times when we slip can be quite alarming. How non- chalantly we pass on our dislikes and our fears and honestly, we are rather oblivious about it at that point in time. Of course, in hindsight, the rationale is all there..

Now, I particularly don’t like reptiles as a species..so the other day, when Ms. Lizzy, a house lizard decided to show up, my spat of words ranged from yuck, creepy, and even more choicest adjectives just spew out! The emotions just poured freely and my face said it all. At another time, a dislike for a particular food presentation came out rather strongly. It is my way of looking at these things , but now my kids have started parroting my words whenever they see one of those harmless beings or that food served somewhere ! Completely not called for! Yet again, a learning for me to not pass on my biases to the kids. The strong emotions which we all carry have to really not show their faces to the fresh minds. It does require a good bit of mind control at the right time and the right place ; difficult, but totally worth it! Very recently, I had to witness an unpleasant experience concerning my child ( a pet dog gave a serious dig into her pink lips, a feature quite becoming of a young lady!) but somewhere my mettle took over and it really helped in controlling the trauma for my little one! GOOD ME!! Am now secretly wishing the scar to fade away and gradually in time go away completely.

Consciously trying to control my angsts and my prejudices for things. Don’t want the kids to grow up disliking certain foods, places, spaces, experiences because of me. Will be happy to see them use all their sensory organs and make their own sound judgements.

Parenting

ONE on ONE LEARNINGS

Collective learning is a great tool in building the social quotient of the kids. However, the one – on – one learning brings in different elements. My experience with the kids in mindful engagement and new learnings has thrown in new lights! As parents, we always try and make lives easy and entertaining most times for our little ones. Always try and go to places which has some excitement for them and most important, company of other kids. So, whilst this serves very well for a rolling fun time, in terms of understandings of any new concept like an art pop -up, a cultural tour, a visit to a museum or even a zoo , somewhere, friends and company takes over! We have travelled to far off places with and without company and the children have absorbed a great deal under ONLY  the parents for company. It’s not like the little know-how’s has not been with pals around, but the degree varies significantly.The times they were with friends, it really didn’t matter to them whether they were in Paris, in Spain or any other place..the place ceased to exist in their minds and the play with friends took over! What is that that you remember of your trip to BALI and its ” awesome volleyball ” in the awesome pool! What about SPAIN? Its the many crosses and knots played at the biggg palace! The recalls from those trips written very sweetly in their diaries is where my belief that the “best teachings under forced and sometimes boring situations ” comes forth strongly.

So, for them to know the significant difference between a book reading or a literature fest or even a visit to the football stadium of their favoured club, an outing with NO friends may be a good idea  till they are of age to absorb stuff  even in distracting company. With same -age company, it would reduce almost to a sort of play date at anyone’s house or in a backyard. Anything more will seem a far cry! Of course, a few recalls will always be there to please you, but the larger picture is rather diluted!

On that renewed lesson, we are going to open our good deed jar which started filling up in the beginning of the year gone by and to look at all those colourful memo notes with the deeds the kids have felt were good in their understandings!! Cheers to newness and all things bright and beautiful in the year of the DOG!

Beingmommy, Parenting

BORING IS NORMAL?

JUST the other day, between measured device time and outdoor stimulations, I asked my precious two to plough their minds into something very different with the rights given even to go bizarre, if they so wished! ( I secretly was hoping though that they don’t take my advise to be bizarre very seriously ,which they didn’t much to my great relief ! else the mommy in me would have taken a different shape).

With the first obvious resentments, I did see some good creativity..games were being made out of old used papers and these were put in my forthcoming daughters’ birthday planner! One thing led to other and a whole list of stuff was jotted down. Of course, in this, random head counts were also added as my little girl who’s turning all of 8 soon has many many girls whom she lovingly calls friends ( we will address this issue later!) What i saw and what I always knew is that the idle mind is no devil’s workshop in children’s case , it’s quite the contrary in fact.Boredom sometimes gets the best out of them..actually, I quite resent the word per se and I try and dissuade my kids from using it.At times, I also mummy other kids when I hear this word!

On and all, its a good sign if a TODAY’S child is feeling bored. In fact, at times, assigning boring tasks like laying the table, tidying up the place after meals, clearing and setting up their places like the cupboards, book shelves, corners which they label as their own etc. may not be a bad idea after all. It’s nice to give them these not very stimulating jobs as they may prove beneficial in the longer run..so, lets treat boring as normal and introduce this insipid flavour in their otherwise exciting and yummy lives.

General, Parenting

Life is NOW!

Everyone is , by now, aware of the universal fact that life is NOW! Still, we go on and on in living with the past, sometimes regret, most times resentment and anger! As the onus to train and teach kids lies with us, why don’t we , sometimes learn this simple PRESENT living from them! The simplicity with which they bounce back from situations is amazing!

Changes of circumstances, residence, school is all taken in its stride..sometimes, the loss of a known acquaintance is also forgotten with time, much to the concern of the caring adult. The adage of “out of sight out of mind ” feels misused at times , but , to give credit to the innocent minds which believes in the TODAY and THE FUTURE IS NOW somehow overtakes any regret! How ,I wish I could be resilient with my daily happenings! Am trying and am sure with time, my kids will succeed in teaching me this simple learning, much the way I teach them about life.. why, I started playing a sport and within months, my unused muscles gave way much to my chagrin..the path to recovery was a harrowing and a slow one, but the regret associated with it made it worse..the refusal to bounce back to the other happy doings was masked with the , why me syndrome! The many days I have spent in painfully blaming the self can be very very self deprecating and , in hindsight, a complete waste of the human potential. Of course, things are a lot better now, partly to my coming to terms and partly from the very easy advice given by my grown up babies to just ” forget what happened, mamma!”

Still learning the power of resilience and savouring the present moment and I can’t thank my kids for this..happy teaching and happy learning and happy living to all you out there.