Tag: friends

General, Mindfulness l

Honestly, HONESTY it is!

growingupmatters

Best policy awards for years together and more to come! This wonderful trait is what really sets a person apart. A mere glimpse is enough to judge one on this quality. Of course, hugely substantiated by patterns of behaviour across a broad spectrum. And this pattern stays for most parts of a beings existence and living.

So much of this is inculcated by us to our young ones at a very young age. Very very clearly seen in the little ones who do justice to this. Huge importance ought to be given to value this trait as being one of the greatest reward for a decent tomorrow. The honest intention is but honestly seen in an eye to eye encounter with the lot. Kids who are really honest take this, at times, to an altogether different plane and even sometimes white lies with them becomes difficult to pull off!

There’s no better friend who doesn’t beat around the bush but says it clearly and honestly about you. When a casual meeting or a coffee outing is cancelled with an honesty factor thrown in, the bonds only grow stronger. There could be nice people who one is surrounded with but the ones who stay true to you are the ones whose eyes reflect an honest yes or no in situations. This is very clearly seen!

Honest feedback from well meaning folk is needed time and again for a reality check. Very recently, I almost sensed a sense of resentment towards me when I spoke honesty about what I felt when children are being coached/ trained by a professional and when the well meaning parent is in the sidelines throws their inputs unabashedly and very non- chalantly. My honest take on this was to back off from the core and be a bystander and to see how young ones blossom and learn on their own. It did meet glaring eyes at me but then , be it, my honestly really can’t be judged and if it is, I will be there to see the outcome on the kids at a later date. Yet again, I am almost losing my equation with an aquaintance turned friend in yet another situation where an outright honest answer to a rather personal query evoked another not called for situation! Am honestly ok at both the instances as it didn’t come as a contrived and thought of response; much rather it was my ingrained sense of being true that spelled out!

If you feel lousy, be honest about it, if the chips are down, honesty will bring them up again, if you don’t want to go out for dinner, speak the truth without mincing words, if kids have erred, no point in basking in false pride, if you don’t feel up to something, speak honestly, if the pudding is miserable say it! If all else fails, honesty will surely go out a long way and for the longest time! Come winter, even the tress shed their leaves honestly to pave way for new beginnings! So, stay true, stay honest and all else is really not worth it!

General, Mindfulness l

Friends and more

growingupmatters

Friends and friendships are one of our great social connections in our lives. Friends are made right from neighbourhood to school to college to work and then at the parenthood stage, to friends of kids friends’. Then, there are the social group friends, the pals made at various hobby outlets ,the social contacts with friends of friends and many others. Whom we once called our really good friends also has its own shelf life depending on our very own life stage. What felt like our true and truer pals cease to be so not for anything else but for the growth each one has taken and their current circumstances.

Friends drop and add as we journey through our lives. Some old school/ college friends either fade away with time or different geographies makes it difficult to stay connected on a personal level. Of course, the current age has made it possible to stay in touch but unless physical connections are there, one cannot fathom the depth of the relationship. Some very dear ones made in your teens and 20’s begin to feel distant to you in your current stage and frame of mind. Part of it could be owing to each ones own evolution and growth which either has kept pace with yours or has taken a very different one and of course there is the part where the regularity of staying in touch has not been there. You move on, they move on and when you meet after really really long, you find it not so easy to connect and relate. One definitely has a nice time with time spent on that day or that evening but then we leave it at that. Also, you could have enhanced your mind with different experiences whereas they would have remained either static in their minds or veneered in directions completely unrelatable to you and so closes another friendly chapter with the person. It merely stays then as an acquaintance. There is no regret in it though!

With time constraints, it’s getting increasingly tougher to find someone with whom you could really really talk without constant punctuations about their own set of woes and worries. Each one has his own share of issues to counter yours. You sit wondering what you really expected was a good ear but what you got instead is an unwanted earful. Such is life and such are friendships! The good part is at every stage, there is always someone to lean on to!

Children, Parenting

And when friends leave…

growingupmatters

It’s hard for anyone to say goodbyes..harder still, when one’s daily pals relocate, move schools or leave the city..with them goes a piece of you and memories are what remain.

The past 2 months have seen about 4 such instances for my kids! The days prior to leaving seem to be their most precious moments. Every waking hour is spent either thinking about your pal or making efforts to maximise on the physical time spent with them. Inching closer to the dates gets them to make those oh so lovely picture cut outs, cards, small baubles and everything else which the friend likes. The cut, copy and paste activities are in full swing. It’s heart rendering to see their love come out in so many forms..my emotional taps almost start leaking when I see those creatives which tomorrow will adorn the walls and cupboards of their friends new setup.

Here, technology has really come to their rescue! While there is no replacement to the physical being, the periodic activities are always mapped by way of whatsapp, Skype and the other interactive media. It does quell their minds but somewhere I keep hearing the silent if- only’s, what- if’s , buts etc.! No matter how easy the connections have become, it doesn’t and cannot come a close parallel to actually actually a personal exchange of thoughts, words and emotions.

In all of this, I am certain of their resilience and adaptability!!

Very soon and probably sooner than I wish, they will charter new domains, establish new friendships and move on. It’s us adults who find it tough to build new connections because of the heavy minds and loads we carry thereof, but with kids, I only see hope and more hope in all their doings!

I am too missing the everyday familiarity but here it’s my job to ensure their smooth transition from one to the other and try and make their memories with their pals even more memorable! I just snail mailed a rather big piece of paper card with all sorts of endearing names, scrawls, colours , pastings etc. and I hope to continue doing this as and when the request comes along!! It’s the least I can do!