Tag: Kids

General, Mindfulness l

Hail Teachers

growingupmatters

Hail this community more than ever before! Is never easy to have a smiling face and a cheerful disposition at all times and now with a screen to talk to all day and elicit a response without having to raise your voice is more than applauded. Some may beg to differ on this observation but that’s perfectly ok. In my opinion, the challenges faced are more than many and to come out of it when we see the other side of our current gloom with their heads intact will be quite a treat to all.


With the constant surround sound, one is but forced to know the teaching style, the tone and otherwise other guarded secrets, away from the pry of a breed called the “parents”. A mere, how was your day ? at the end of school hours was all one was used to and the rest was never known too much to form an opinion on anyone. Now, all their cards are wide open and the situation doesn’t give them any choice. As people , we would all like some parts of us to be only ours, even in our thought process and speech but with such levels of constancy in talking, these “only my” thoughts also begin to creep out in some ways. As long as it’s subtle , they’re good but kids somehow have an uncanny knack of digging and probing and sometimes bringing out the worst in adults. They do so with us parents, so am sure the teachers too face the brunt of their constant probing. It’s amazing to see their patience level when they have to repeat instructions/ concepts over and over again to bring the matter down to the least common denominator in the respective class. Patience on their part, as a virtue is so so visible now, albeit willy- nilly at times, am sure.


This is one community which has shown many what selfless support is all about. In this, judgement calls are still exercised by some which I feel are so uncalled for. It’s like a court battle is on and a slight blink can make the judge in parents come out loud and strong! If at all, a humane approach is all what needs to be shown for these tireless set of educators. The much needed golden words of appreciation are to be generously used now.
Let’s hope we lockdown  our individual biases when the children step out and meet and greet these noble souls with all the adulation and merit they deserve. It would be a win -win for all.

General

Summer time funk

growingupmatters

It’s the time of the year I normally would really look forward to! Thankfully, a short trip here and there in the past few months were greatly cherished but the summer break has a different charm to it . It’s usually a more sought after one..one that is planned and mostly executed to perfection or even if there were imperfections, it made it that much more memorable. Families with school going children get this big window to step out for multi activities ranging from camps to summer workshops, to swimming,to exploring new interest areas, all in the touch and feel model!

This time, last year, we were reminiscing the many travels in the summer months that took us to many places/ countries which were all unique and exciting in their own way. Those many sights flooded our own individual visions and we went about on a trail talk..one thing led to the other and one landscape changed to the other in the blink of an eye! Oh! Those wondrous moments! The recalls were so much fun and the memory jogs outpaced our slow and inactive current lives. The kids brought forth the many clicks captured digitally as also the happy painstaking effort I took to paste those memories in physical form for the touch and feel factor!

This year is a deja vu of sorts all over again! There were many thoughts and ideas emanated from all about the many gorgeous sights the world has to offer and could be attempted after one long arduous year but alas! looks like it’ll be yet another long vacation at home. Nothing wrong with it though but the kids questioning has started about the repeat factor of last year and knowing fully well about the situation not under their , or for that matter, anyone’s control, there is still that secret desire to be out in the open somewhere for a sense of a break from the routine. Convincing our minds that it would not be so is all one can do at this point in time! The hope of a holiday , outside of home, is now deferred to yet another school year -end.

Meanwhile , the small but nonetheless wondrous joys about slow start to the day, lazy mornings, complete erratic schedules of daily living, no fixed meal times as well as meals, eat-sleep-repeat patterns as and when , screen time beyond comprehension with the online world the means to connect with pals, play games, engage in idle chit chat, some board games thrown in for good measure with siblings/folks, frequent trips to the kitchen to dish out bizarre combinations, attempts at culinary skill development, reading and attempting new ways of being in touch would all be the things the long summer break will be looked forward to!! The plans of stepping out to feast our physical/ mental states with “SOMETHING NEW” rolls over to a deferred date and time, unknown at this stage!

“Hope for a better tomorrow ” is something that will make us all feel cheerful and positive in our own ways despite the morbidity and our helplessness of many things and situations. So, let’s get going forward in these summers with all things cool, all foods the season has to offer, all the beauty of the greens and nature which , year on year, never fails to keep up with its dates, irrespective of the situation on ground and the excitement every holiday brings with it for things unknown, experiences unseen and the unfurling of the long days !!

Mindfulness l

Weekend living

growingupmatters

If anything this past year has done to us is to teach us to live our lives on a daily basis. Extending this in today’s context, why not continue this for all of our time and not try and push everything to the sweet spots called saturdays/ sundays..agreed, with most of us having a rather busy work week, this kind of comes in the way and the weekends become our prized hours but now with some heightened time management skills acquired by many of us in the past few months , the 7 minus S days can be put to good use and some changed routines / joyful pursuits can be enmeshed in them.

Somehow, weekend splurges are so a part of our DNA that the thought of otherwise almost ceases. My kids also , over time, have made their sat-sun feel so very special for themselves that the other ones fade in comparison. So many milestones and otherwise specifics are rolled over for convenience of a weekend. It’s precisely this choice of convenience exercised over everything else that slowly begins to supersede our otherwise analytical and thoughtful mind and makes for a layer so difficult to permeate through! In the entire gamut of our preferences, if somehow we can change our minds to live in the moment, it’ll all be so very nice. The burden of the so called restful days which eventually come way loaded would gradually begin to ease off and an openness to accepting living/ celebrating/ existing on a daily basis would become more joyful. Convincing oneself has always been a daunting task but not impossible, if we choose to! It’s the mind which, as one graphic tshirt says, ” evil genius” that ought to be used intelligently!

There’s an almost derided unacceptance with the kids in our house that everyday is a birthday and every moment is to be lived for. It’s much to their chagrin but we keep pulling it off in the hope that it’ll register some day even if it’s way past their childhood. That way, every meal can be a party too so the pressure to load our systems on the weekend is minimised. Win – win for all in all matters in every way! I,sometimes, have that smirk on my part and almost gloat when the choice of days/ time/ meeting is slapped on our faces and we have to accept it with a straight face. So love one sided commands , at times! Makes decision making/ abiding smoother than a scornful smother! Daily drudges can feel a lot better if the thinking changes. The inevitables have to be pushed/ accommodated for the end of week days, but what’s very easily doable in one’s personal scope can be looked into. The load on travel, food, traffic etc etc would be so under control that am sure, it’ll be for everyone’s greater good, both physically and mentally. I don’t know if all this sounds rather pedagogical but in the past few months since we’ve almost lived our lives on a daily basis so to say, it can be implemented in small ways to begin with. Some super instant gratification can spring in more surprises and smiles than delayed/deferred planned activities. Life, after all is best in spontaneity!

On and all, if it makes the slightest sense in the real world for practical implementations, I would say let’s go for it! At worst, the reversal to the old ways remains an option but now with so many of us making so many small changes, let’s try this too. History has always spoken about the immense adaptability of the human race so why not create another chapter for our own little history books to be looked into at a later date! More memories!!

Live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonite!.. as Garfield says..

General, Mindfulness l

Tempting offers

growingupmatters

Resisting or giving in, as the case may be to this one big word called TEMPTATION is something we all do every other day, knowingly or unknowingly

In the current scenario with ONLINE having become the buzzword or rather the most used term, school going kids are going to be tested and evaluated about the efficacy of online learning ,all coming fore in the form of copy, paste, download,upload and the likes.. Here, kids have all the possible tempting drive to peek into their study material in sly and twisted methods. The search engines, am sure are popping up with suggestions about manoeuvering ways to evade the examiners eyes and more. The dig in to temptations of these supposedly easy-breezy-cheesy kind of examinations is all pervading. Here is where the so called Moral values kick in. The small and different ways, sometimes explicit, sometimes obscure , sometimes obvious, sometimes askance is where all of us parents have invested a good part of our energies and this is where the outcome of all the investments will show up . It is in these easy to peek in your books kind of situations does the true character of the individual coated with his childhood values peek in. The temptations are kept at bay, or rather are meant to be kept that way for a clear conscience and sound upbringing. It’s gratifying to see the young teens in their honest endeavours and not trying to push the tempt button. 

Stepping out now with caution has now become the norm. Giving in to the tempting offers of violations for expressions of it’s ok and now am more than done may prove detrimental and might teach us a lesson learnt the hard and difficult way. All of us at times are tempted to lower our guards as humans who have been forced to live a certain new way of life without a definitive tomorrow! Now the talks are on to meet and greet folks with almost a rage and fury!

Tempted to eat and shop at an easy pace is so very alluring. Hard to resist the urge when it’s known that the places of one’s choice are within reach, specially after the tall order of being scooped inside our four walls. Temptations are all but draws and pulls towards all things fun and exciting. The forbidden drives to locales abounding greenery is oh! so very inviting! Closer home, there is also the time and again desire to just beat the hell of the situation and somehow fly. So very tempting the thoughts are for the kids to be a part of the aviary family where freedom is never restricted.

So many more tempting offers are emanating from the online stores that serious prudence is required else succumbing to these would be a cakewalk. These people were always showing us the Carrot and tingling our senses with deals and more and we all knew the hiddens behind them but now the tempting grabs for them is getting more and more. The carts were never so full with all and more than ever before! Deep down we all know about Adam and the apple but let’s see for how long we can steer ourselves away and tread the path of control and caution, whereever required. Hope we all outdo ourselves in this..

General, Mindfulness l

Kids and why?

growingupmatters

Cannot blame them for the restlessness and whys if we adults get the home fatigue way too often in these new times. We can at least use our better judgement and more controlled mind in getting used to this way of home arrest but really can’t hold them to ransom so very often, and probably rightfully so! It’s their age to be outdoors, to meet with friends, to engage in game play and beyond a point, no amount of cajoling can get their little minds to accept this harsh reality of measured existence. Even the times they sometimes step for external stimulation for the weather, open air, bigger panorama to watch etc. , it is no cure patch for their fragile minds and at the end of the day it is still a very secluded lifestyle and a very alone kind of eerie feeling.  Their very wry remarks of ” my walls are tired of looking at me” , ” no fun in celebrating birthdays without the missing candies in school “, ” no egging and nudging” etc. etc.paints  a very morose kind of picture…remarkably  still, the way their resilience shows up is amazing, time and again!

Most of us older folks have gotten over the many NO’s with them in this stage. Conscious policing is helping at times, but mostly the reins are let loose..now HOW exactly all of this will pan out is a wait and watch kind of scenario. Maybe the good that might come out of it is a good bit of detachment from the world of see and learn and maybe the other merits kick in, maybe their world and their worldview could take a turn for the better, who knows?? maybe saturation with devices would become a pleasant eye opener for us , everything is rather in the hope and pray department! Till such time, one has no choice but to patiently answer their eternal question of ” when am i getting to meet my friends and play with them?” The teachers in their online school are also putting up quotes for them to visit and revisit the  ” tough times don’t last, tough people do”sorts. This too has a wry outlook for them and a very contrived, make believe sort of reassurance!

Now that some leeway is offered for many of these little prisoners of time, feet are their best bet for a stroll or a leasurely walk around the block with adequate protection. Cycling comes to the rescue for the ones who have it. A neighbourhood friend joining in with them in this pursuit brings about the feeling of remote connectivity. On and all, these little souls are and should be given that extra dose of pamper pills for calming their pent up potential energy and most of us folks are doing that. Technology, we all thought can take over our lives but the extent was never known! The gentle transformation of these waves have almost reached a crescendo way before time where the kids are concerned. Let’s hope Mother Nature restores the balance soon for all of us to step out, meet and greet and eat and play together!

General, Mindfulness l

Bouncing back!

growingupmatters

A lot has gone on for the past few week s which has kept me from penning my thoughts, but then I found my balance in all of this so here I go again..

No matter where or how life’s path has put you in, there’s always a way forward. One nasty experience can set you back but rational thinking and sticking to what you believe in can make you bounce back. I very recently went through the torture of being caught, unawares in an unpleasant experience which involved the emotions of both, me and my kid. More so, the mind didn’t wish to accept and believe this learning as something relevant and apt so the revolt was even more. It was a drudge and a drag but no doubt, this uninteresting experience for both of us was for sure, a learning to deal with people and places! Sticking to my self belief was the saving grace to make me pull out from any further drags in this experience. The initial feeling was one of despair and hopelessness but a constant talking to the mind in reiterating my belief in this made me bounce back. The point is, no matter how badly one is stuck in and no matter how much one feels about the chips being down, there is always a way to bounce back and come alive again.

Taking this to the scenario we are in today, the only way to get ourselves up and going is to take all of this as an almost life changing experience and repeatedly tell ourselves and remind ourselves that this too shall pass . The new pace of life has been reset by most of us in our own individual way and it’s heartening to know how well we all have moved from denial to frustration to acceptance. Here again, it’s our mind which has reset itself and found new ways of convincing and believing in it. Yes, it’s a huge solace to know that we are not alone in this so maybe that’s made it more tolerant and accepting.

Let’s hope and pray we all bounce back from this and till such time, make the most of this once -in -a -lifetime experience, call it god sent or man made or any other appropriate label one chooses to.

The resilient ones are already on the other side of this, namely the young ones here who have carefully chalked out all their future plans. Well, the future , in some scenarios looks cancelled for many of us but for these little lots, there’s a lot waiting for them. Just awaiting for the go-ahead signal is all they will need to bounce back. Sometimes, this child like thinking can make us feel more bouncy than we are and who doesn’t need that more NOW ! So while we are all discovering new age living modules and technology has really made it easier for the lot of us who have the access to it, let’s keep the faith going for the many and a speedy recovery from all of this! Slotting the current situation in the HOPE AND PRAY department will keep us all going.  Smile and the world will be a happier place!

Beingmommy, Children, Mindfulness l

Soft skills upgradation

growingupmatters

While it is very important to have our hardwares very hard- wired, what makes for an improved version is to invest in good softwares. As rapidly and with the speed with which the programming software is changing, our speed too needs to match up with the changing thoughts of our kids else we too would become redundant in their current existence and no one wishes for that to ever happen.

As written and spoken everywhere about change being the only constant, I see myself changing my optics of reality ever so often. The basic core values remain the rock solid hardware in my system; what changes and will continue to do so is the software. I feel the constant rewiring required at my end to ensure the talk -machine in an always ON mode else the OFF button would be pushed very quickly and I really wouldn’t like that. It will , though, someday , sometime and I  will deal with that then! So for now, daily small sessions on the so-called gossip in school is very attentively heard. So also the absolute drivel talk at times but great nonetheless as it gives me cues on the changing thought process of the pre teens/ beginning teen sagas. Amidst all those small white lies emerges a lot of new feelings and emotions. Some  stuff in my list of total unmentionables earlier have now moved to the mentionable list and this just brings out a smirky reaction from my end as I can see the intent behind this. Some eye opening , jaw dropping , but least bit mouth watering stuff are all but taken in good stride!

Talking about the change /appropriateness of the language used as kids begin to rise to the occasion of being ordained as teenagers! Another soft skill which has to be timely upgraded to the beta, theta ..stage. The basics from their end that are , at times, pushed beneath the carpet in the yarn of cool dude attitudes need to be ever so often unearthed. I hear the derided talk in my household from the big sibling to the small one and my alert ears and antenna grab them, then a long tirade begins and it all ends on a soft note. If not, newer methods are adopted for a more effective hearing! And, am sure, this is different and ever changing in all households!

All in all, it’s this core called VALUES like respect, regard and the likes which has made all of us and our reactions and our outcomes are all testimony to that, both in our eyes and also to the external lot of eyes that meet us daily . Here, some reactions  of course are shifted  in the big box of circumstances and surroundings and tick ✅ marked  thereof but most tick -offs are a result of what has been inputted, upgraded and kept up with the changing times as we grow. After all, studies and researches have shown and of course we all have heard and read that it’s not the great infrastructure only that produces great athletes, it’s the investment on the part of the coaches, it’s not the so called big and great schools and education institutions only that produce good students, it’s the teachers who are the enablers to make good human beings out of simple innocent minds, no good is the basic hardware without the upgraded software and it’s the development thereof.

On the macro level too, we see that the great framework of a government doesn’t necessarily generate a good governance, it’s the drivers of this that makes or breaks a country.

Good idea to update and upgrade our thoughts and ideas on this.

General, Mindfulness l

Honestly, HONESTY it is!

growingupmatters

Best policy awards for years together and more to come! This wonderful trait is what really sets a person apart. A mere glimpse is enough to judge one on this quality. Of course, hugely substantiated by patterns of behaviour across a broad spectrum. And this pattern stays for most parts of a beings existence and living.

So much of this is inculcated by us to our young ones at a very young age. Very very clearly seen in the little ones who do justice to this. Huge importance ought to be given to value this trait as being one of the greatest reward for a decent tomorrow. The honest intention is but honestly seen in an eye to eye encounter with the lot. Kids who are really honest take this, at times, to an altogether different plane and even sometimes white lies with them becomes difficult to pull off!

There’s no better friend who doesn’t beat around the bush but says it clearly and honestly about you. When a casual meeting or a coffee outing is cancelled with an honesty factor thrown in, the bonds only grow stronger. There could be nice people who one is surrounded with but the ones who stay true to you are the ones whose eyes reflect an honest yes or no in situations. This is very clearly seen!

Honest feedback from well meaning folk is needed time and again for a reality check. Very recently, I almost sensed a sense of resentment towards me when I spoke honesty about what I felt when children are being coached/ trained by a professional and when the well meaning parent is in the sidelines throws their inputs unabashedly and very non- chalantly. My honest take on this was to back off from the core and be a bystander and to see how young ones blossom and learn on their own. It did meet glaring eyes at me but then , be it, my honestly really can’t be judged and if it is, I will be there to see the outcome on the kids at a later date. Yet again, I am almost losing my equation with an aquaintance turned friend in yet another situation where an outright honest answer to a rather personal query evoked another not called for situation! Am honestly ok at both the instances as it didn’t come as a contrived and thought of response; much rather it was my ingrained sense of being true that spelled out!

If you feel lousy, be honest about it, if the chips are down, honesty will bring them up again, if you don’t want to go out for dinner, speak the truth without mincing words, if kids have erred, no point in basking in false pride, if you don’t feel up to something, speak honestly, if the pudding is miserable say it! If all else fails, honesty will surely go out a long way and for the longest time! Come winter, even the tress shed their leaves honestly to pave way for new beginnings! So, stay true, stay honest and all else is really not worth it!

Mindfulness l, Parenting

Gratitude

growingupmatters

So humble a word this is.. of late, talks about this being incorporated as a subject in schools/ colleges is doing the rounds and rightfully so. With consumerism on the rise , it’s becoming imperative to teach the generation of tomorrow the value of it today. Not an easy thing to teach kids I would say though! The blurred vision they see this with is heart wrenching at times, but the effort on our part to show them the clear and obvious should always be on. May take time and a regularity of dose but that is how learning has been where values are concerned so why treat this any differently or rather, not pay too much heed to it?

With me starting on their name labelled jars with chits to be filled for things they are thankful for on an everyday basis yielded good bits of laugh at the end of last year ( let’s be honest, just like anything else, this didn’t fill up completely!)  but yes, it did pave the way towards sensitising them on the many taken for granted ideas. It’s easy to sense a feeling of being grateful when one encounters the unpleasantness of life one is not directly involved with and this is very quickly ratified by saying a silent little prayer or rattling out a small mental thank you ! This gratitude need not be felt only upon seeing and overcoming the negative experiences but needs to be taken further when one has possibly everything. Children of today , being born in privileged households don’t feel grateful about anything in particular. Everything is their birthright and so being grateful doesn’t come to them naturally. Now it’s also unfair to show them unpleasantness to inculcate a sense of gratitude! Schools are talking about making them write down daily things which made them happy, experiences which were enjoyed, emotions that were stirred all in the name of sensitising them to their surroundings and being grateful to the bounties they are enjoying. Let’s hope they get this wonderful value through these positive initiatives!

Recently on a holiday, my kids were super excited to drop coins when they saw people on the streets either singing or playing an instrument or the likes of the gold / silver man standing for hours on end on one leg. I could actually sense that they felt nice about helping these folks and maybe somewhere they felt grateful about leading a rather privileged life! Here, I got a chance to give them a dose of gratitude! Everyday simple things like a square meal, a friend coming over unexpectedly, great weather for the day, wonderful health, to be able to do everything one desires etc etc, the list can be endless are the stuff one needs to be grateful for and if these are listed down, better still for the feeling of gratitude to seep in ! Looking back at our penned down thoughts and reading them timely can only heighten this feeling . Each one has to do their part and the sum total would only make for more balanced and sensitive human beings. Kids growing up feeling this from a younger age would certainly be more compassionate in their adult life and is this not what everyone is striving for?

As for me , my list of feeling grateful is largely to be able to lead a balanced life , to feel fulfilled with the daily chores, to be blessed with good health, to be surrounded by a set of wonderful people from family to friends , to be able to take breaks and vacations…the list is endless but everyone and everything adds up to a worthwhile living experience!

Children, Mindfulness l, Parenting

FOMO’S, JOMO’S and more

growingupmatters

Feeding the innocent mind with all and more is the strife of most caring and involved parents. So much to impart, it feels almost insurmountable at times. Still measured doses is what does the wonders. So often, as young parents, the fear is always there that oh my god! am I missing out/ have missed the bus/boat where several activities are concerned! Is it too late, already? The fears are all encompassing more so when the friendly other friend who is your parent peer seems to have done seemingly all the good things. The good part is that when kids get slightly older to have a say and mind in most matters, the fears seem to be gradually tapering off and with that comes a sense of relief when the decision making control buttons are consciously off from the loving parent! It’s only at a later date both the parent and the child begin to see that the FOMO’s have actually turned out to be JOMO’s in some cases !The unnecessary fretting at that earlier point in time seems so very senseless but all this is in hindsight.

There are also the folks I know who justify the non encouragement ( not to be mistaken for discouragement) to their kids in most simple activities veneering towards they being not such important ones. Agreed, these are essays to be written, some insignificant competitions to attend to, some random writing assignments like poems, letters etc. etc. but where the child is concerned, these ARE his very important matters! Purely the convenience of the folks in question comes in the way. Any voluntary activity is sidelined with the yarn of ” I have turned out rather good in my life without these so what is the big deal about them”! Here, it’s the child who misses out on certain learnings not from the point of view of achieving something or getting somewhere at a later date in life but simply the joy of trying out something new. The simple joys and the highs in a child’s life are those instant gratifications from teachers/ peers and to NOT let them experience these is something  really NOT nice. It could be insignificant for the parent in the scheme of things yet to know that you are a part of the sports/dance/debate team is a big high for the kids when well, THEY ARE KIDS! As much exposure that can be given will only result in a more confident and tomorrow ready young adult.

At times, it’s the uncomfortable throws of activities to them earlier on which they are thankful to you later on in their lives. We were all taken to those boring concerts, big people’s parties, no friend for company places etc. etc. but somewhere this sure has enhanced our tolerance level for people and places . Stepping aside, we can also see the merits and JOMOs of certain mundane stuff which felt important at that point in time but somewhere the limited parent wisdom came to the rescue of unnecessarily ferrying kids up and down from one thing to the other.

On that note, as a grown up, let’s also keep our FOMO’s behind us and march forward with renewed vigour and make small investments in ourself with a lot of self belief  that what’s going on is all for our greater good!