General, Mindfulness l

Friends and more

Friends and friendships are one of our great social connections in our lives. Friends are made right from neighbourhood to school to college to work and then at the parenthood stage, to friends of kids friends’. Then, there are the social group friends, the pals made at various hobby outlets ,the social contacts with friends of friends and many others. Whom we once called our really good friends also has its own shelf life depending on our very own life stage. What felt like our true and truer pals cease to be so not for anything else but for the growth each one has taken and their current circumstances.

Friends drop and add as we journey through our lives. Some old school/ college friends either fade away with time or different geographies makes it difficult to stay connected on a personal level. Of course, the current age has made it possible to stay in touch but unless physical connections are there, one cannot fathom the depth of the relationship. Some very dear ones made in your teens and 20’s begin to feel distant to you in your current stage and frame of mind. Part of it could be owing to each ones own evolution and growth which either has kept pace with yours or has taken a very different one and of course there is the part where the regularity of staying in touch has not been there. You move on, they move on and when you meet after really really long, you find it not so easy to connect and relate. One definitely has a nice time with time spent on that day or that evening but then we leave it at that. Also, you could have enhanced your mind with different experiences whereas they would have remained either static in their minds or veneered in directions completely unrelatable to you and so closes another friendly chapter with the person. It merely stays then as an acquaintance. There is no regret in it though!

With time constraints, it’s getting increasingly tougher to find someone with whom you could really really talk without constant punctuations about their own set of woes and worries. Each one has his own share of issues to counter yours. You sit wondering what you really expected was a good ear but what you got instead is an unwanted earful. Such is life and such are friendships! The good part is at every stage, there is always someone to lean on to!

General, Parenting

Disappointments are perfectly OK!

Perception not equal to reality equals to much disappointment. The feeling is disturbing in some measure, dealing with it takes time and like it or not , this IS the hard fact of our day to day existence with people, places and things.

The good in your eyes is not so good when the better is expected from an outside evaluation standpoint. In one instance, it was a rude shock to the concerned teacher when there was a disconnect between his expectation of the student and the final outcome on the report card. In another one, the coach was sure to have this kid in the basketball team but the substitute coach felt the very opposite. Both these experiences naturally left the kids rather disturbed , but somewhere my heart too bled as a parent.The mismatch between perception and reality really DID disappoint me!

Disappointments are very much a part of a child’s growing up , be it as simple as not being elected the monitor, ( much rather cannot boss around!!) , exempted from the coveted school club ( here you get to go out of school and that fun is missed out!!) standing nowhere in an event for which they have felt there couldn’t have been any better prepared , complete failure in an activity in which they consider themselves as good as good can be! and many others currently in their limited scope of exposure.

We all adults who live in the adage of “been there done that” , CAN ONLY emphasise and highlight to them the importance of carrying on , not giving up easily and to strive for continued improvement. A good practice on our part could also be to NOT go overboard over small achievements every single time,  NOT to indulge in repeated treats for doing their obvious work well and in time, to be level headed and casual about daily happenings and to teach them as and when that disappointments are perfectly OK and they must be dealt !It will only help them become stronger and better.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

B A L A N C E

Some days I start my days by taking the customary yogic breathe – ins and breathe – outs to the count of 8 ..it’s somewhere a wonderful start for me. The day goes on peacefully without me raising my whisper forget my voice. Then there are days I find myself pigging on the leftover cake over the kitchen sink first thing in the morning and how the day goes with the kids , is well, the less said the better! I call this BALANCE!

It’s rather easy to see and know the dictionary meaning of the word but to practice it in real time, well , that’s the challenge! There is complete awareness of how the scales need to be balanced while dealing with kids but if only it can be done everyday! Certain ground rules are a must and adherence to the same is the key. Kids are very savvy to wrangle out an extra hour for TV watching on school days or randomly listening to a so-called  THE  song when it’s completely out of turn and tune! A good balance of temperament is what is needed most to handle such situations. This , for me, really comes from a firm affirmation to begin the day on a positive note. Honestly , as most mindful living books preach and teach – meditation , chants for some, first positive thoughts etc.sets the precedent for the day and once this is done, the day with kids is a cakewalk! It’s so very nice to close the day with the feel good feeling! There are days where I end them with perfect rants and feel good with that too but then as I say, that’s MY balance!

To try and maintain harmony in a household with school going children around, my experience is to plan out my days’ chores in a physically and mentally dealable manner, to try and not pack too much in those awake hours if they are really not time pressing urgencies. Of course, exceptions are there to this ideal mix but on a larger scale if a sort of doable list is maintained, the day seems sorted in most aspects and the smoothness of ones dealings with the children is for all to see! On that note, let’s try and figure out our own individual wheels to move on smoothly.