I am a mother of two, blessed to enjoy the energies of a boy and a girl .The journey so far has been lovely and I have gathered some know-how into the why's and what's of growing kids. Have started writing my experiences which I will be sharing with you'll periodically. It's only meant to be a platform of my observations of child behaviour. Hope it throws up some insights which may be useful to some. Cheers to the new year and my new foray in this writing journey!
A book reading experience is a solo journey of exploring, learning, imagining and many other ‘ings” .The interpretation varies depending on the state of one’s mind while the experience is on. How we all have devoured and exchanged notes on the popular yet timeless tomes as we have grown and evolved! Evolution is one big continuous journey which I am glad doesn’t have a defined destination for the ones, particularly, who feel that , a healthy exchange of words once in a way paves the path for new wonders . Again, this purely is the will and desire to see things in a different light, in a different thought pattern and a different dimension of opinions .
One on one close chats with like minded souls does make this a lot easier and acceptable , it’s the openness to understand a complete tangent view that makes these conversations interesting. Again, here, most views, the tangent, secant and others are known to the evolved reader , yet it’s the way with words and the intent behind those expressions that are relatable and interesting. A book club format in which everyone is ‘expected’ to read the chosen written matter may make informed and sometimes maverick opinions which may stem from their current state of mind and circumstances therein. It’s actually fun to hear cross references and in the bargain get a completely different take on the topic. This is where the collective wisdom comes in fore! The conceited few may disregard these , the open minds may absorb these and some fence sitters choose to be either in acceptance or in denial. All are perfectly valid. An indirect tiny speck of learning helps with the good listeners in a good way. Same goes with topical conversations ! The optics vary from person to person and it is this very difference which makes for deeper understanding and silent reflections thereafter.
In the realm of daily anecdotes, one person’s experience is another one’s laugh or cry or an emotion which is so varying it makes the person wonder whether he really lived through that experience! No endorsements needed, no validations are expected, it’s all about shared experiences and thoughts. One may want to disregard this altogether , but egos left aside, this group synergy or “ one to many” talks can be very interesting and stimulating and fun too at times! Someday, sometime it’s worthwhile for the silent few to also experience this!!
That wonderful band where my gen Z’s are in..a band which we all want to be in but soon becomes a sore point for us moms as we navigate through it! You as a parent were looking forward to getting there but the story in this phase pans out very differently..Add to that the woes this miserable gadget called the phone with its plethora of images has gotten them hooked and how! Covid has ruined them in so many ways I’ve lost count! All these guys in this zone are now a product of multi influences..As it is the hormones are running haywire and the feeds make them go further wonky in all senses..am forced but to laugh at wry humour, at their cringe worthy fashion and the menace of reels is all but exhausting.. They move a certain which way, talk a different tongue, twist, shake, imitate etc etc and its all wow and vibey! A reel which is transmitted at god alone knows what speed that before you know, it’s a sensation! Absolute mindless stuff about people , places and things..the 2 pronged fork wants you to be in the one marked as ignored and one other prong says hey, you ignore me and I will hereon shut myself up..what to do!? Tow the line, feel flustered but carry on being the good cop !
On the brighter side though, it’s a fun ride for both, them and you. The minute you sync with them ( and I feel that’s a good approach) it’s a different world out there, one which opens up, much to your surprise, imagination and wonderment. It’s a great idea to move with the changing times and who better to take you on that ride than your own offsprings. Its fun to resonate with their thoughts and mesh with their line of reasoning and why, their minds are not strictly crazy as it is anticipated by many. The optics of vision have evolved and it’s a wonderful feeling to be in the new range. New range of thoughts, emotions, reactions, impulses , responses etc etc. Again, we come back to the moot point of being open and accepting. No remorse of the era gone by, no what-ifs, no unnecessary thrusts on anything, why, that feels wonderful!
Moreso, if you are blessed with both the genders like I am ( yes, again this gender issue calls for a fresh debate and new writings exclusively!) the joy in the journey is multiplied. The gen Z is not entirely crazy as perceived. In fact, I would like to think that in some arenas they are far more evolved than us. Here, I am not questioning age, authority, experience, wisdom –they will come as time goes but the ability to sieve the calm from the ruffle is quite with them. All one needs to do is believe in them and its all a beautiful phase of communication, experience, a tad bit of maturity and a whole bunch of laughs!
ALSO, I have seen the golden adage of SILENCE IS GOLDEN works wonders for kids in this age bracket..
Personal experiences around kids and life in general is my genre of writing/blogging. Taking the liberty with this one to elicit a very personal health experience I recently experienced. Had my chest ripped open in my early 50’s was a rather daunting experience, one which I am now hopefully on the mend. It’s exactly one month to be precise when I went under the knife!
It all started about a year or so back, incidentally coinciding with the ” hormonal issues” women of my age undergo. Along this whole year, a lot of discomforts namely headaches, dizziness, fatigue, chest discomfort, flatulence, IBS, supposedly pitched nerves etc. ( yes, aren’t all these listed under the menopause list!) and general feeling of malaise became a regular feature. Quality of life dipped ever so often! Always knew but today endorse it even firmly, nothing and nothing comes close to sound physical and mental health..Now , I am genetically blessed with optimum BMI, my lifestyle hasn’t been abused, I walk regularly, I play a racket sport 3-4 days a week, do yoga twice and generally with school going kids, there’s a sort of rhythm and motion that’s part of my being. So , with all these multi issues getting more pronounced in the past few months, I decided enough is enough! Hormones may be on overdrive but seriously there has to be something more going on inside which needs to be addressed. A series of cardiac evaluations began , with the CT scan first throwing up mild to minor heart disease but was told that treatable very easily with medicines. Next to be more in the know of what’s going on inside, had to walk the treadmill and while I could do it effortlessly, in sprang up a positive test. With these non invasive peripherals coming out positive, a gold standard coronary angiography was the way forward! Fine, I went with the flow of the jigsaw of problems finally getting pieced! Boom, there I see my heart on their monitors with blockages of 50-80 percent. At first, it was like me!! , but then again my mind said yes, there we are inching towards why this past year has been an agony of sorts! Fine, I get an answer now! Stenting it is and well, that’s fairly straightforward..so there I go to the next step, part sedated and on the table surrounded by a lot of greenery of the cath lab, their clothing, their equipment tied in green cloths etc etc..am told will be out like in 40 mins, all stent ballooned and raring to go! Mind couldn’t have felt more calmer that phew! the problem is addressed and in 3 days, I shall be up and about, resuming my life on a fresher and brighter note and can say ” thank you very much, miss menopause, you seriously were not the only reason for all of this! ” Now here is where I am thrown a googly, on the table, surrounded by docs and hearing fumbling talks about landing site location for the stents and all of a sudden, boom! am told that some obscure 90 percent blockage, which wasn’t visible earlier is there there! Multi angle shots are captured to get this 90 percent guy who is sitting behind a bend, hardly visible but well, now spotted can’t be ignored.. so I am like you are addressing 2, then address the 3rd as well..stent it and be done but no, this one is beyond stentable limits as per medical jargon so what I see is very soon, the entire procedure is truncated prematurely and I have nothing but tears rolling down! Was looking forward to see life on the other side of these 40 minutes but now looks like 40 days and beyond and further round of talks/ discussions with the doctor fraternity! Haven’t felt more vulnerable in absorbing information as I felt in that 1 hour or so..
So next, wheeled out, folks outside only too elated that all is well that ends well and that too in record time and only I know what happened inside out there. Anyways, they were sounded off that the next step is a surgical intervention and shouldn’t be delayed..so there we go, now surgeons to step in the picture and do the thing which we all are familiar with, a B Y E P A S S , sounds has- been, but when it’s you under question, at the age that u are in, started thinking about the genes taking over( yes, maybe the moot point in my case is both mom dad have been cardiac patients).. but again, my point here in penning this is that one can smoothly sail along for the longest time, genes or no genes, with or without issues but if there are more than several tell tale signs, DO NOT DISREGARD THEM under the yarn of stress, menopause, hormones, covid etc etc. ACT! and that’s what I did. Beyond a point, it’s that gut feeling one needs to listen to no matter what friends, family, GP’s go on and on suggesting !
So then begins the crucial job of finding the right surgeon, the right hospital and the right time to go ahead with this procedure. Amidst a lot of angst and self questioning as to whether we have identified the right doctor, the date/time and logistics is decided! I now go ahead hoping I don’t quite get another surprise on the table by the doctor but well, this time around while on the table , my eyes were looking at still more green, very soon I am buzzed to open my eyes in the ICU. I have waited outside the operation theatre at an earlier instance and I know how the family has no choice but to wait with bated breath to hear that alls going well inside. This time around, I was happy to hear the vague sounds of “you are ok and alls gone well with you”. Felt reassured that alls on track though the 3 day long stay in the bone chilling, very stringent time driven and very very lonely stay at the ICU came to an end and I moved to a bright and cheerful room surrounded by familiar faces and loved ones. All in all, in a weeks time I got home to now slowly but steadily inching back to normalcy in every which way.
Guess some scars are going to be pals for life but timely action is what got me going through all of this and time itself will heal all and more with memories , not very pleasant ones though, but in the larger positive scheme of things, lasting for many many days and months to follow!
By the way , my sanity , I suppose , and whether my faculties were intact were checked like 5 times by different medical staff prior to my entering the Operation theatre by repeatedly asking me the nature of my surgery and the name of my surgeon! Like even if I wanted to not think of it, I was made to:)
Also, I wish with all the advances in the medical science, they come up with temperature controlled probes that are put on you for monitoring certain parameters ever so often! In the freezer called the ICU, those cold knobs are seriously not so sweet icing on your cold distraught body!
As all things Greek which I am so fond of, comes this word with a meaning which has a very soulful tone.
Anything that is being done/worthwhile doing ought to be done with LOVE, CREATIVITY and with a SOUL.
The amalgamation of these 3 wondrous words will create MAGIC in our lives and existence and make living so very meaningful.
MERAKI moments to be found in raising kids, in following your passion, in discovering and rediscovering your inner self, in staring at the blank space and seeing beauty in it, in voila! that little punch added to your cooking to give yourself a Michelin star!
ALL and MORE points to a more evolved way of leading life , be it in the realm of your comfort or outside of it. The choice lies in only us to pull ourselves up when the chips are down and to elevate our heights when the going is good. All with BALANCE in place else the toppling and debasing are the only ugly visibles and the beauty of discovering MERAKI is lost somewhere.
Taking one step at a time, no matter how small that step is but steadily climbing with your soul in it will eventually create what you have set out for and in the bargain give you your MERAKI..
Hail this community more than ever before! Is never easy to have a smiling face and a cheerful disposition at all times and now with a screen to talk to all day and elicit a response without having to raise your voice is more than applauded. Some may beg to differ on this observation but that’s perfectly ok. In my opinion, the challenges faced are more than many and to come out of it when we see the other side of our current gloom with their heads intact will be quite a treat to all.
With the constant surround sound, one is but forced to know the teaching style, the tone and otherwise other guarded secrets, away from the pry of a breed called the “parents”. A mere, how was your day ? at the end of school hours was all one was used to and the rest was never known too much to form an opinion on anyone. Now, all their cards are wide open and the situation doesn’t give them any choice. As people , we would all like some parts of us to be only ours, even in our thought process and speech but with such levels of constancy in talking, these “only my” thoughts also begin to creep out in some ways. As long as it’s subtle , they’re good but kids somehow have an uncanny knack of digging and probing and sometimes bringing out the worst in adults. They do so with us parents, so am sure the teachers too face the brunt of their constant probing. It’s amazing to see their patience level when they have to repeat instructions/ concepts over and over again to bring the matter down to the least common denominator in the respective class. Patience on their part, as a virtue is so so visible now, albeit willy- nilly at times, am sure.
This is one community which has shown many what selfless support is all about. In this, judgement calls are still exercised by some which I feel are so uncalled for. It’s like a court battle is on and a slight blink can make the judge in parents come out loud and strong! If at all, a humane approach is all what needs to be shown for these tireless set of educators. The much needed golden words of appreciation are to be generously used now. Let’s hope we lockdown our individual biases when the children step out and meet and greet these noble souls with all the adulation and merit they deserve. It would be a win -win for all.
Such an amazing trait to be spotted amongst humanity! And an absolute delight to know and meet people with this quality.
If a parent/ adult has overstepped the line in disciplining and the correct usage of words ( which being humans is quite a possibility), this should come out as an honest admission and remorse on their part rather than the false pride which creeps in out of pure seniority. It would set the relationship right back in motion. Teaching kids to be humble about their achievements sets a tone of balance for them in their adult life, and I have seen the evidences in many a kids who are known to me. As they say, let the achievements talk for themselves.. it feels more weighty and in subtle ways conveys the emotion and the joy behind it.. it’s not exactly wrong to tom-tom about the many doings in a kids school life , after all it’s super motivating, super encouraging, super high and a super morale booster ! It’s the tone and the usage of words that sets it apart. Here’s where an upbringing trait called humility comes into play. If instilled at an early age, can be something to lean on for all of their lives. A sense of false pride has only led to the downfall and history is a witness to this. Kids who resonate with this from an early age often gravitate to others with the same trait. The playing field for them is of course very very large considering they have only set out now in the external world and their interactions would be a plenty with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Wisdom eventually, as they grow up, will be in sieving the wheat from the chaff, which life would hopefully teach them. But in their growing up years, it’s nice to keep reinforcing the future benefits of being humble. With this, smartness, especially the street smart one has also to be embedded onto their learning else the jolts they would face would be quite sharp! They sure would be learning grounds but again, how to manouvre and navigate from tricky situations and even trickier people would be how well they present their case with a good dose of humility. It can be sensed and spotted from a distance.
The simplicity with which you present your case also stems from how humble you are as a person. Some linkages are sure there between simplicity and humility. The humble and the show-offs among kids is so stark as it’s coming from sheer innocence on their part. It becomes imperative for the adults to spot this line between the numerator and the denominator if it is too deep. The behavioral trait is noticed very easily by the teachers as they have a huge number of kids to deal with and observe. Sometimes, we folks overlook this sense of false pride in the yarn of confidence. Keeping a repeated check and providing an honest feedback is a good idea. Of course, firstly the folks should have this trait in them else it’s no good. As kids resonate all they learn from their surroundings and their folks, the onus is that much more on us to raise kids with empathy and humility in most areas where one can influence. Some zones cannot be touched upon as they are too much an inherent part of ones personality. Actions always speaks louder than words so maybe cues will be picked up by them upon seeing our reactions and behavior towards people and their certain mannerisms.
Who said raising kids with an all rounded , well aware and having all the worldly good qualities that are there is easy!? We can only do as much!
It’s the time of the year I normally would really look forward to! Thankfully, a short trip here and there in the past few months were greatly cherished but the summer break has a different charm to it . It’s usually a more sought after one..one that is planned and mostly executed to perfection or even if there were imperfections, it made it that much more memorable. Families with school going children get this big window to step out for multi activities ranging from camps to summer workshops, to swimming,to exploring new interest areas, all in the touch and feel model!
This time, last year, we were reminiscing the many travels in the summer months that took us to many places/ countries which were all unique and exciting in their own way. Those many sights flooded our own individual visions and we went about on a trail talk..one thing led to the other and one landscape changed to the other in the blink of an eye! Oh! Those wondrous moments! The recalls were so much fun and the memory jogs outpaced our slow and inactive current lives. The kids brought forth the many clicks captured digitally as also the happy painstaking effort I took to paste those memories in physical form for the touch and feel factor!
This year is a deja vu of sorts all over again! There were many thoughts and ideas emanated from all about the many gorgeous sights the world has to offer and could be attempted after one long arduous year but alas! looks like it’ll be yet another long vacation at home. Nothing wrong with it though but the kids questioning has started about the repeat factor of last year and knowing fully well about the situation not under their , or for that matter, anyone’s control, there is still that secret desire to be out in the open somewhere for a sense of a break from the routine. Convincing our minds that it would not be so is all one can do at this point in time! The hope of a holiday , outside of home, is now deferred to yet another school year -end.
Meanwhile , the small but nonetheless wondrous joys about slow start to the day, lazy mornings, complete erratic schedules of daily living, no fixed meal times as well as meals, eat-sleep-repeat patterns as and when , screen time beyond comprehension with the online world the means to connect with pals, play games, engage in idle chit chat, some board games thrown in for good measure with siblings/folks, frequent trips to the kitchen to dish out bizarre combinations, attempts at culinary skill development, reading and attempting new ways of being in touch would all be the things the long summer break will be looked forward to!! The plans of stepping out to feast our physical/ mental states with “SOMETHING NEW” rolls over to a deferred date and time, unknown at this stage!
“Hope for a better tomorrow ” is something that will make us all feel cheerful and positive in our own ways despite the morbidity and our helplessness of many things and situations. So, let’s get going forward in these summers with all things cool, all foods the season has to offer, all the beauty of the greens and nature which , year on year, never fails to keep up with its dates, irrespective of the situation on ground and the excitement every holiday brings with it for things unknown, experiences unseen and the unfurling of the long days !!
Enough written, discussed and said about this word and each one has a different take to it and each take is right!
Long term, short term, now..are the time lines one works on. It’s however, very simply put as your own drive which is yours and only yours . Ikigai, meditative gurus, eminent personalities, the Gita have all spoken about this extensively . In assimilating information from all, re – reading their thoughts and relooking at reality, all but gets shaken up every now and then with the thought “which way is my life swerving”! It’s all in the good as long as we reason it out with our own life map. As cars dealt are different, the playing field also varies. What could mean a purpose to you could be labelled as a mere existence for some and vice versa. Ever so often, this purpose would alter and it ought to do so at different life stages. The classic question posed in different interview stages from a student to a marital alliance, to a prospective employer about his so-called final purpose has had to be addressed but not with much know -how of the ground reality. Today with the dynamics changing ever so often, for the ones who’ve gone with the flow and blended well, it all seems so very logical to have a purpose which is not a rigid one. Also self brandishing and self berating seems and sounds so very self torturous, both in mind and body.
Small, daily routines can be meaningful and purposeful and big resolutes can be all so futile. Just to be up on the bright side and view the day as a new one in itself is a purpose of sorts. What can be made routine as a purpose is to have a good laugh, enjoy a good mirth and try and balance the pluses and minuses with a cheerful disposition.
The drive in ones life is never rigid and rightfully so. It’s the small adaptations one makes that go a long way, in form and character. Also, at times to up ones’ ante in a small chosen purpose can be a big morale boost. With kids, I have noticed that their short lived goals are all small, quantifiable purposes ànd the way they jump around from flower to flower in search of nectar, akin to the butterflies, is what makes their present purpose so very beautiful! So all and all, not to have a defined purpose is perfectly ok and it’s best if we walk around with our dignity, humility and head held high so as not to float amidst the clouds but remain rooted to the ground reality, it will all be just good.
If anything this past year has done to us is to teach us to live our lives on a daily basis. Extending this in today’s context, why not continue this for all of our time and not try and push everything to the sweet spots called saturdays/ sundays..agreed, with most of us having a rather busy work week, this kind of comes in the way and the weekends become our prized hours but now with some heightened time management skills acquired by many of us in the past few months , the 7 minus S days can be put to good use and some changed routines / joyful pursuits can be enmeshed in them.
Somehow, weekend splurges are so a part of our DNA that the thought of otherwise almost ceases. My kids also , over time, have made their sat-sun feel so very special for themselves that the other ones fade in comparison. So many milestones and otherwise specifics are rolled over for convenience of a weekend. It’s precisely this choice of convenience exercised over everything else that slowly begins to supersede our otherwise analytical and thoughtful mind and makes for a layer so difficult to permeate through! In the entire gamut of our preferences, if somehow we can change our minds to live in the moment, it’ll all be so very nice. The burden of the so called restful days which eventually come way loaded would gradually begin to ease off and an openness to accepting living/ celebrating/ existing on a daily basis would become more joyful. Convincing oneself has always been a daunting task but not impossible, if we choose to! It’s the mind which, as one graphic tshirt says, ” evil genius” that ought to be used intelligently!
There’s an almost derided unacceptance with the kids in our house that everyday is a birthday and every moment is to be lived for. It’s much to their chagrin but we keep pulling it off in the hope that it’ll register some day even if it’s way past their childhood. That way, every meal can be a party too so the pressure to load our systems on the weekend is minimised. Win – win for all in all matters in every way! I,sometimes, have that smirk on my part and almost gloat when the choice of days/ time/ meeting is slapped on our faces and we have to accept it with a straight face. So love one sided commands , at times! Makes decision making/ abiding smoother than a scornful smother! Daily drudges can feel a lot better if the thinking changes. The inevitables have to be pushed/ accommodated for the end of week days, but what’s very easily doable in one’s personal scope can be looked into. The load on travel, food, traffic etc etc would be so under control that am sure, it’ll be for everyone’s greater good, both physically and mentally. I don’t know if all this sounds rather pedagogical but in the past few months since we’ve almost lived our lives on a daily basis so to say, it can be implemented in small ways to begin with. Some super instant gratification can spring in more surprises and smiles than delayed/deferred planned activities. Life, after all is best in spontaneity!
On and all, if it makes the slightest sense in the real world for practical implementations, I would say let’s go for it! At worst, the reversal to the old ways remains an option but now with so many of us making so many small changes, let’s try this too. History has always spoken about the immense adaptability of the human race so why not create another chapter for our own little history books to be looked into at a later date! More memories!!
Live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonite!.. as Garfield says..
The cocoon in which we all have lived in the past few months has slowly but reluctantly opened up for many. In many ways, yes, we are all moving on and that’s the way it should be for survival as we call it a day or a rather unusual year and march on boldly . The new change of the date brings in a psychologically new ray of hope and a new start. There is almost a pressing urgency to erasing this year as quickly as possible. Is this a step we should all see as a positive one or does this bring in more elements to think of?
While the tomorrow looks highly anticipating of some magical and quick change, some of us are in the looking back mode as now the safety net bubble has not only been punctured but also burst in some cases. Good to feel that we have somehow managed to overcome many fears though treading with caution will be the new normal. Those lockdown memories for the many who have started to bravely venture out with defined caution as also the ones who are still in the wary stage are now forming in their minds slowly and steadily. The times spent together with the family over meal times are now a thing of distant past..good or bad, well it’s the way one looks at it , but they sure have become memories. Those firsts of the many zoom calls with family and friends are now deja vu. They still continue but not in the same light as were before.
When going out was not an option, the drive was so much to get there; now being able to get there doesn’t feel the same! It’s sort of neither here nor there! Those culinary wonders that were dished out are on the list of ” not to repeat for a while now “for those many excesses. Those many classes and new pursuits one attempted will be, oh, looked back with a mixed feeling, some of achievement (the painting on this write up is my experiment with the pencil and brush and colours!) or of a mere attempt but whichever way it was, it sure will be something to look back at. To look back at the ease at which road navigation with an underlying fear of accidentally encountering a human being in close proximity seems oh! so very distant. When it was like a tall order being slapped on us which we had to adhere to, we resented but now when the chaos has restarted on the streets, those quiet and peaceful drives are missed!Today , we have reached a stage of we can but must we, we can but should we, we can but…and all such kind of should we/shouldn’t we issues. But yes, the larger humanity has loosened up quite a bit with fears now bundled up and openness becoming the norm. Like everything else, this year in due course of time will Also be capsuled in posterity.
As we are on the verge of the year end, while the virus does not believe in such finite closures, it’s nice to move on now with a ray and a shot of positivity. As always is the ritual to talk/ pen down thoughts of the months gone by, the missing piece would be the many clicks of those close family gatherings one usually ends up having in a calendar year as also the many short / long vacations taken. For folks with school going kids, like me, it’s the many small joyful experiences of their concerts, sports, cultural events and all the hype and hoopla that goes with it. No amount of virtual technology can come a shade close to the glitches experienced personally and eventually it’s these little imperfections that we realise are our reason for living!
Overall, it’s something that all of us have taken it in our stride and we should only pat ourselves for our resilience and efforts taken for keeping ourselves and all of our near and dear ones safe, healthy and positive!
Cheers to a new way of accepting life as a new year unfolds!
GrowingupMatters 