Author: howgrowingupmatters

I am a mother of two, blessed to enjoy the energies of a boy and a girl .The journey so far has been lovely and I have gathered some know-how into the why's and what's of growing kids. Have started writing my experiences which I will be sharing with you'll periodically. It's only meant to be a platform of my observations of child behaviour. Hope it throws up some insights which may be useful to some. Cheers to the new year and my new foray in this writing journey!

General, Parenting

Life is NOW!

December 15, 2017March 6, 2018 howgrowingupmatters

Everyone is , by now, aware of the universal fact that life is NOW! Still, we go on and on in living with the past, sometimes regret, most times resentment and anger! As the onus to train and teach kids lies with us, why don’t we , sometimes learn this simple PRESENT living from them! The simplicity with which they bounce back from situations is amazing!

Changes of circumstances, residence, school is all taken in its stride..sometimes, the loss of a known acquaintance is also forgotten with time, much to the concern of the caring adult. The adage of “out of sight out of mind ” feels misused at times , but , to give credit to the innocent minds which believes in the TODAY and THE FUTURE IS NOW somehow overtakes any regret! How ,I wish I could be resilient with my daily happenings! Am trying and am sure with time, my kids will succeed in teaching me this simple learning, much the way I teach them about life.. why, I started playing a sport and within months, my unused muscles gave way much to my chagrin..the path to recovery was a harrowing and a slow one, but the regret associated with it made it worse..the refusal to bounce back to the other happy doings was masked with the , why me syndrome! The many days I have spent in painfully blaming the self can be very very self deprecating and , in hindsight, a complete waste of the human potential. Of course, things are a lot better now, partly to my coming to terms and partly from the very easy advice given by my grown up babies to just ” forget what happened, mamma!”

Still learning the power of resilience and savouring the present moment and I can’t thank my kids for this..happy teaching and happy learning and happy living to all you out there.

Parenting

The UNCOMFORTABLE comfort zone

December 11, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

Who doesn’t like to feel comfortable in life’s daily grind! I’m settled, I’m sorted and I enjoy all my basic comforts..yes, great! But if this feeling seeps in for all of your life, it does mar or dampen your personal growth as a human being.Citing the example where children are concerned, here I go with my observations–

The little smarties have always a way with things, not willing to accompany their folks in places where their friends are missing in action or not wishing to try out any new food. While their trying to feel comfortable in their set up is a great feeling, but somewhere this becomes an impediment for new learnings..the best of the life teachings and learnings thereof comes when you are put in a tight spot..adults have witnessed this in many forms in their lives..then , to make the little ones feel overtly comfortable to the point of subtle “pampering ” if I may use the word , is something to be wary about..the more the mind is challenged, the more creative one gets. The more one is away from his comfort zone, the more adjustments are learnt. The more one is exposed to newer foods, the wider the palate becomes..

All these effects are really not felt in real time, but they go a long way in paving a physically and mentally stronger individual..the hidden benefits of learnings in uncomfortable situations can be quite something. Kids have an immense tendency for amoebic absorption , and as far as we can, we must let them experience many not- so- happy situations. As it’s an established fact with kids that learning first starts at home , the adults must make a good attempt at creating situations that are challenging and uncomfortable!

On that note, let me try and move from my comfort zone and get on with the many to- do’s!

General, Parenting

Respect for ALL

December 4, 2017December 4, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

Give and get is what comes to one’s mind the minute this word is uttered! In the process of raising socially and emotionally balanced children, we start our explanations, reasonings, sometimes longest tirades with kids at an appropriate jage..in this , respect is one value which mostly is inculcated as an obvious but sometimes somewhere this needs to be reinforced..examples-

Respect for someone’s efforts – an emphasis on the effort a parent or caretaker takes in assembling and putting together a meal..I have noticed that kids always almost seem to either linger on the morsels in their mouths or on the flip side, swallow it down their throats! For something which has been at times, painstakingly put together, to see it go down the slide in seconds feels that whoops! What happened, how could my efforts be swallowed!? If only it had been relished or chewed delicately, wouldn’t it have been better?

Respect for privacy – here the challenge is to expect privacy in the presence of little nosey pokers! We can always get that little space in their absence but the idea here is to respect the privacy of the grown ups in their presence, much like how the moms and dads respect their space with their friends and peers.

Respect for grandparents – this swings from overt love and sentiments bursting out when their object of desire is met to a total 360 degree turn should the case not be.. here respecting the intentions and motives of the adults who are rather oblivious most times to the current fads of kids would be appreciated.

Respect for time-many a times the parent or the care giver is so very taken for granted where time is concerned! To have all their stuff dealt with, all their time bound activities slotted perfectly etc.etc.; again here to respect the fact that all this takes a good bit of time – management on the part of the people doing.

Last but not the least, teach kids to respect the similarities and differences between the many lot of people they will meet in the journey called LIFE.

General, Parenting

Confidence,competent,contentment

November 29, 2017November 29, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

Confidence and Competency go hand in hand..the confidence with which we do something which comes very naturally to us, without making any significant effort,the ease with which we go about things that are ” normal” to us, be it cleaning,baking,clearing and the likes makes us all feel wonderful. Likewise, I
notice kids too feel supremely confident when the task they take at hand is completed with their own competent efforts.Kids today are tossed around in various classes and many extra curriculars, some because of their own likely interest ,some by seeing the interest in their peers, some mindless swaying with the current trends in activities while some seeing and getting carried away by the other childrens’ accomplishments .This, somewhere gives the child a confidence boost or a confidence low.The activity which your child eventually takes up after all your trials and his tribulations is the one which, I can say, will be where his core competency lies. Once the path is chosen, you find the once sunken confidence being replaced by a bright face again.It could be a temporary high, but nonetheless it is something which could pave the way for future endeavours for the child.The part that we can play here is to go completely with the flow, trust the child’s judgement and give his high a boost. In doing this, there is contentment for all concerned. After all, for your child, you can only show him where to look, what he sees there is entirely his ! This is stemming from his own sense where of competency and this is what gives him confidence ! On that note, happy confidence building in happy recognition of competence and thereby happy contentment.

General, Parenting

Kids and the word NO

November 25, 2017November 25, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

How often adults end of doing stuff they simply don’t like because of the social, emotional, parental and other taboos this simple word would entail ?? All of us have been victims of boring conversations, mindless chatter, insipid invitations etc etc. So much is done to please others and thus displease self all for the refusal of a simple word. This word sure is powerful when you see how very effortlessly it is used and misused by kids.

My personal learning from children has been quite something..how very easily the NO’S come from tiny mouths who have been on the planet for much shorter times than we have! Of course, a defiant no , a stubborn no is a big NO NO but what I have observed is how very wonderfully they seem to have a complete control on their minds in most situations dealing with humans, be it their peer groups, other parents and adults , even close friends etc..their clarity in probably trivial matters like choice of clothing, footwear etc. is also declined point blank as a matter of fact if they feel so. It’s NOT very nice to hear no’s ever so often, but then if we were to see it ,analyse it and non egotistically see their point, we may find that they are bang on! Their no’ are a very clear reflection of their simple innocent minds , free from any prejudices, free from any judgements , absolutely open and absolute honest in expressing their feelings.. They say it because they mean it..there’s no string or any emotion attached to it..I don’t like a certain “X” and I don’t like a certain “Y” comes very naturally and rather normally to them. Here our own prejudices come in the way of accepting their choices and going with them. In introspection and hindsight, my personal learning in polite refusals has certainly gone up! Small learnings from kids have been great! More so , if little girls can be explained the firmness of this simple word and how it would , at a later date, come to their own good use, we may be living in a world with very few #METOO situations! NO! I really mean it!

Parenting

Hail Netflix!

November 23, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

Hail Netflix ! Besides providing entertainment, it has also given me several insights to deal with issues, be it the life changing ones or the inspirational stories etc. Here, let me draw the attention towards “kids management”. Ever so often, while dealing with simple matters related to children, we often slip up only to regret it later on..let’s face it, the big career of pursuing kids management is fairly hands- on to most of us..why, we didn’t train to be parents at the word go but are ensuing this job hands on..so, many a slip between the cup and the lip is a part of the deal, but in hindsight when we look back, a sense of regret and a fair bit of remorse are the emotions we face. Here is where the super entertainment giant has come to my rescue! The simplicity with which growing -up matters has been dealt with is simply amazing! Of course, being stage managed and rehearsed several times over is why it looks and sounds the way it does, nonetheless ,I have taken certain leads from them and am trying my very best to replicate them in my day to day dealings!! The dynamics of handling situations differs vastly from person to person , but , in general, the laws applied remain the same..really appreciate the narratives of shows like ATYPICAL, THIS IS US etc. for paving the way for smoother transactions with children!

Parenting

Free time for children

November 17, 2017 howgrowingupmatters

Kids today have a lot of structured learnings embedded in their daily schedules..This has largely to do with more opportunities and resources available in our present day set- ups..Whilst this seems to be great going for the kids and their folks, well, in reality, the children feel very saddled with tons of stuff going on..their free time to daydream, idle away time, get bored , do nothing has been capped tremendously . In my understanding of this situation, I feel this needs to be measured and analysed. Kids have immense capacity for growth and development provided they have free time on hand! They learn to dabble with stuff lying around, create and recreate and put the many objects to different use, find out ways and means to engage themselves and on and all, learn in an interesting and exploratory manner..so let’s give them imagination and in turn, they will give us many pleasant surprises!!