Author: howgrowingupmatters

I am a mother of two, blessed to enjoy the energies of a boy and a girl .The journey so far has been lovely and I have gathered some know-how into the why's and what's of growing kids. Have started writing my experiences which I will be sharing with you'll periodically. It's only meant to be a platform of my observations of child behaviour. Hope it throws up some insights which may be useful to some. Cheers to the new year and my new foray in this writing journey!
General, Parenting

Food habits start young!

howgrowingupmatters

Fad foods, comfort foods, healthy foods, easy to assemble, easy to make, easy to feed…what all we try when it comes to food for the kids. So far, my experience with kids and food has been rather good if I may say so, and it’s satisfying to see them not culling peas, cumin seeds or tiny bits of beans from their plates!

We all have gone with the cycle of fret, fume, give up , however , what has worked for me is to again, take it easy with food. Where my toddler or my young kid has refused morsels, I have gone with the expert advice that no child will collapse if one or two meals are skipped and with the adage of ” This too shall pass” . We might feel restless and uneasy as a “mum failing on this very crucial chapter ” of their growth cycle and quickly try and rustle up this or that or whatever works at that point, BUT I have felt it’s nice to stick to foods that are a part of your regular palate and that you feel will sustain over time. I would be lying if I have not given in at times, but somehow by and large have succeeded in maintaining regularity with the food style and taste.

Succumbing to fancy and quick comfort foods will become their habit if YOU wish it so. It’s nice to be a little firm with yourself even at the cost of feeling a little harsh at times. Kids need to see more disciplined folks for them to emulate! Try and not feel helpless as kids pick up this cue very quickly and then they start their, “NOT THIS BUT THAT ” attitude towards foods.

From the cosy comforts of their dining table, the kids will move on to other tables at their friends houses, school halls and other social dos’s . What we can truly call our achievement is when we don’t have a picky eater amongst us with embarrassing moments and unpleasant situations we wish we could have controlled at the right time ! In saying this, I really wouldn’t rule a lot of good LUCK and maybe PATIENCE!!!

I am still dealing with trials which go as NOT NOW , LATER ! with many foods I would like them to sample! These are not the core food groups but the other extras so am not too fussed at this point, however, my attempts continue…

General, Mindfulness l

Spring cleaning!

howgrowingupmatters

Spring cleaning, woo hooo!! Love it when there is that mood to declutter! And it could actually happen anytime or several times a year. The idea is to maximise on the feeling when it sets in!

Am sure many of us moms like to safely store and keep things for the younger siblings ..I had those train sets bought for my son and saved it for my little girl to use it one day, then those half used colouring / connecting the dots books , the many jigsaw puzzles and many other such trivia. Why , I thought that my younger one would wear those plain basic jeans! I mean , a pair of jeans is a pair of jeans and you really can’t go wrong but , when it was time for her to try it on, oh well, it didn’t look any good! I did pull out those dinky cars and the bey blades to even out the boy/ girl barrier, but honestly, they didn’t survive very long! So the idea was not to reshelve them , no matter in how great condition they were, but simply to give them away! DECLUTTER! Out of sight, out of mind !!

It was a liberating feeling to do away with those many used books, odd coloured t shirts and not to miss those many chaotic stationery all over the place! Of course, this all happened in the absence of their rightful owners else they will go right back in the shelves / storage as their suddenly discovered favourites!

I have felt very good at the things I have managed to reuse and recycle and have personally applauded my efforts. But equally happy I am when I have passed on the old bed spreads, lamp shades, crockery and my love to sleep in /lounge clothes and those O so cool shoes for someone else to feel cool in them, if they wish to!

The freshness of spring and those flowers everywhere makes one feel bright and happy and doing away with unwanted, some day/ sometime may want, really do I want ? thoughts out from the mind. Not just the vibration around suddenly feels light and clear, even the mind seems to like it!

 

Beingmommy, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LET THEM BE

howgrowingupmatters

I wish I can let this “mommy holiday attitude and temperament ” become my permanent trait! There is a sense of calm and easy living when the kids are on their term/ summer/winter break.Everything that has to, moves on , rest waits! The sometimes subtle but rather constant rants and nags are also on a break! Basically children are just left to BE. I know this has a lot to do with no set timelines and no routines to be followed , still, walking with this attitude for the rest of the year is something I would simply love. REALLY.

While they are still young and the pressures of higher classes has not yet kicked in, it’s nice to let them be, spend their time in a care free manner and let their minds wander. The free time they have heightens their imagination , some crazy, some rational but on the whole, interesting and NICE. In any case, before we know , time just flies!

Just as our greens are watered only as much and then are left on their own, likewise, for the children as well. Just nurturing them appropriately, not less, not more and then waiting for them to grow and blossom would be more joyous than anything else. Giving them the space they need to grow into mature adults is something that we should give and hopefully tomorrow they will not disappoint us.

With relationships in the adult world becoming more and more fragile, it will be the kids who have been given this non nagging and free space and timely detachment /disentangling from our apron springs , eventually grow into people who can manage their future relationships better.

BE FOR THEM BUT LET THEM BE!!

 

General, Uncategorized

Cherishing those clicks!

howgrowingupmatters

With technology and apps becoming our almost survival tools, all of us have tons of pictures and moments so very well captured, saved and neatly tucked away in those little devices. Great usage of technology , great advancement and great going but somewhere , I feel this takes away the pleasure of browsing through good old physical albums and the flip and turn experience.

I put my time and energy in this exercise by sieving through the devices periodically, mostly when I am done with the annual ritual of birthdays which are never missed on the clicks! This clubbed with any vacations or priceless moments taken in the calendar year has worked for me. Those ready to use albums or sometimes personalised versions or better still the hand made ones become my little storage houses . On one of those lazy days, the kids and I savour those precious moments from the toothless smiles to those broken teeth, from then to now, from why to how with gaping awes and many smiles! Getting the physical prints and pasting/ putting them together has so far been very satisfying for me and I hope to carry on with this little tradition I have made for myself.

Agree they will add to the bulk but then I don’t practice the Japanese way of minimalist living either so I don’t allow this to become a weighty issue at all !

May not be a bad idea to revisit those phones, iPads, computers and try to get them out from there for all to see, love and enjoy those many moments!

General, Parenting

TALKING TOMS

howgrowingupmatters

I am my childrens’ biggest sounding board for every minute detail of their lives so far! Maybe the age of innocence is still on or maybe I am an always available mum to them! Also, my two talk nineteen to a dozen! Yes , we all are aware that one has to be physically present when there is a need to communicate but I would like to believe that strong emotional ties would do the work just as well in their limited presence. It’s the feeling with which we reciprocate their banter that sets the wheel of communication in motion. This ” coming out of heart and honest ” feeling is very quickly sensed by the kids and the gates open up.

In this healthy exchange of words, their inappropriate language can be corrected, the usage of unnecessary words can be thwarted, the origin of their fears can be understood and so many other patterns of growing up can be sensed . The key here is to simply LISTEN and do so honesty and with all ears..anything less and their mouths will shut.

Some kids yes, are quiet and not so communicative by nature but they do send enough cues for you to pick up. Here, a good deal of patience is needed to extract those words from their mouths but it’s a given that they will pour out as long as the receptiveness is sensed by them.

So in an age where technology has consumed us in ways beyond our boundaries, may be worthwhile to rejoin the living rather than living in whatsapp and start to build strong communication channels for our kids and us to sail smoothly.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

LAUGHTER is infectious!

howgrowingupmatters

Laugh and let laughter flow amidst the chaos of life! There are various mood uplifters like retail therapy,coffee with friends, longish walks, soaking in nature, pretty flowers, and the likes..however, one which is an instant one is to laugh out loud!

My 2 conspired amongst themselves that should they hear an unnecessary rant from my end, they would immediately try and dissolve it by going through a big bout of laughing..yes, when they did it initially,it did get to me but very soon I too joined in and in a minute, the infectious laughter became all consumed and the rants were forgotten.

The silliness of kid talk is all very well known. A silly limerick made by them, some words twisted and repeated ever so often, a jig or funny movements by them can be all ridiculous; however, laughing it out when they expect this of you is a small indulgence which can be offered . This might also become your instant mood booster and may brighten your hour! Of course, if this comes in the way of your important and serious chores, it can be rather annoying but then that’s what children excel at! To talk about the most irrelevant thing when you are in the midst of your bath routine , to grab your attention when you are attending to a supposedly important call, to make the most of the situation at hand when you have guests over and likewise.

In all of this, the one thing that keeps you going is a good laugh..so, lets make a good attempt to smile more often and try and get that funny bone tickled by the ones we care for and love! While they are small and the seriousness of life has yet not got to the kids, let’s make the most of the carefree, happy, childlike days spent in many happy laughs!! It sure will loosen up all those stressful bouts and negative emotions!!

 

General, Parenting

Disappointments are perfectly OK!

howgrowingupmatters

Perception not equal to reality equals to much disappointment. The feeling is disturbing in some measure, dealing with it takes time and like it or not , this IS the hard fact of our day to day existence with people, places and things.

The good in your eyes is not so good when the better is expected from an outside evaluation standpoint. In one instance, it was a rude shock to the concerned teacher when there was a disconnect between his expectation of the student and the final outcome on the report card. In another one, the coach was sure to have this kid in the basketball team but the substitute coach felt the very opposite. Both these experiences naturally left the kids rather disturbed , but somewhere my heart too bled as a parent.The mismatch between perception and reality really DID disappoint me!

Disappointments are very much a part of a child’s growing up , be it as simple as not being elected the monitor, ( much rather cannot boss around!!) , exempted from the coveted school club ( here you get to go out of school and that fun is missed out!!) standing nowhere in an event for which they have felt there couldn’t have been any better prepared , complete failure in an activity in which they consider themselves as good as good can be! and many others currently in their limited scope of exposure.

We all adults who live in the adage of “been there done that” , CAN ONLY emphasise and highlight to them the importance of carrying on , not giving up easily and to strive for continued improvement. A good practice on our part could also be to NOT go overboard over small achievements every single time,  NOT to indulge in repeated treats for doing their obvious work well and in time, to be level headed and casual about daily happenings and to teach them as and when that disappointments are perfectly OK and they must be dealt !It will only help them become stronger and better.

Uncategorized

Life is NOW!

howgrowingupmatters

Quick thought about life is now!

howgrowingupmatters's avatarGrowingupMatters

Everyone is , by now, aware of the universal fact that life is NOW! Still, we go on and on in living with the past, sometimes regret, most times resentment and anger! As the onus to train and teach kids lies with us, why don’t we , sometimes learn this simple PRESENT living from them! The simplicity with which they bounce back from situations is amazing!

Changes of circumstances, residence, school is all taken in its stride..sometimes, the loss of a known acquaintance is also forgotten with time, much to the concern of the caring adult. The adage of “out of sight out of mind ” feels misused at times , but , to give credit to the innocent minds which believes in the TODAY and THE FUTURE IS NOW somehow overtakes any regret! How ,I wish I could be resilient with my daily happenings! Am trying and am sure…

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Beingmommy, Parenting

GREAT EXPECTATIONS!!

howgrowingupmatters

Human nature is one of expectations ( though many would beg to differ) about many things – looks , weight, wants, desires, friends, family etc. etc. SO!  why leave the kids alone from this enormous burden we all take upon ourselves ? Great to look at the picture down here and have that gentle smirk or even that subtle smile about it but am sure all parents out there are guilty of this little talk at some point or the other.

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So many expectations we all have of our kids. As much as I would like to think otherwise, in my own little way, I too fall in this trap! See them doing something nice and worthwhile and there goes the mind in telling me that this is it! This is my child’s calling! Then a few days on and this is dumped right under my nose! There goes my expectations on this front..why, just why did I think a MASTER will emerge from this new found and new loved activity or a passion?

A positive way is to ask our kids to raise the bar and their expectations of their doings in THEIR OWN EYES. The ball is thus in their court and lets allow them to serve an ace at their own pace. This may also bring in a sense of elevated self belief and confidence in them. We all would be happy too!!

Another experience I have had is that while it’s great to talk aloud about the many happy doings on their part , it’s equally beneficial to keep them to one’s mind only , to smile about the repeated successes or to quietly deal with the unexpected outcome.

So let’s just once again, breathe ( it’s become almost my go to word of late) , enjoy and savour the moments, take it easy, realistically EXPECT good behaviour and manners from them and for the rest, remind and affirm ourselves that nature will take its course! As long as we are honest about our behaviour worthy expectations ( and they CAN see them rather clearly) the battle is won! Let’s wait for time to unfold the many small joys and surprises. Till such time, as their custodians, let’s practice to say what we mean and mean what we say!!

General, Parenting

Less is more!

howgrowingupmatters

How often we find ourselves reminiscing our growing up with our kids!! We talk to them about the way we grew up, the little things we did, the objects we aspired, the limited but cherished toys we had , and the likes. While our minds wander in the distant past, we try to bring it in real time and explain the joys of even LESS IS GOOD ! Sadly, somewhere it all doesn’t feel too very good when the context is not picked up by the kids in the manner one would like it to!

The lot of today are growing up in an era of plenty. Even if one consciously tries to limit the object intake of today’s generation, the surroundings don’t comply most times. I may be judicious in my buys but the many weekend birthday favours, the many little things given by visiting friends and extended family add up a lot, whether I like it or not! Here, my take is to take the current context in reference and try and gently explain the materialism of it all to the children. Very difficult though, but somewhere again, I feel a constant reminder of the idea of plenty and wastages thereof may somehow seep in their minds. Talking about my growing up with 2 party frocks and 2 dolls just doesn’t ring a bell..if at all any reaction is given, it is one of TOO BAD FOR YOU!

In all of us dealing with the big material world, as long as we are home in imparting the right values, we are there.  Gently trying and blending our own experiences with monetary matters with the present context may be an idea worth experimenting with. In small measures, I have been successful but otherwise it’s a constant reminder to their ears to be grateful and more grateful to the world they are born into!