Author: howgrowingupmatters

I am a mother of two, blessed to enjoy the energies of a boy and a girl .The journey so far has been lovely and I have gathered some know-how into the why's and what's of growing kids. Have started writing my experiences which I will be sharing with you'll periodically. It's only meant to be a platform of my observations of child behaviour. Hope it throws up some insights which may be useful to some. Cheers to the new year and my new foray in this writing journey!
General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

B A L A N C E

howgrowingupmatters

Some days I start my days by taking the customary yogic breathe – ins and breathe – outs to the count of 8 ..it’s somewhere a wonderful start for me. The day goes on peacefully without me raising my whisper forget my voice. Then there are days I find myself pigging on the leftover cake over the kitchen sink first thing in the morning and how the day goes with the kids , is well, the less said the better! I call this BALANCE!

It’s rather easy to see and know the dictionary meaning of the word but to practice it in real time, well , that’s the challenge! There is complete awareness of how the scales need to be balanced while dealing with kids but if only it can be done everyday! Certain ground rules are a must and adherence to the same is the key. Kids are very savvy to wrangle out an extra hour for TV watching on school days or randomly listening to a so-called  THE  song when it’s completely out of turn and tune! A good balance of temperament is what is needed most to handle such situations. This , for me, really comes from a firm affirmation to begin the day on a positive note. Honestly , as most mindful living books preach and teach – meditation , chants for some, first positive thoughts etc.sets the precedent for the day and once this is done, the day with kids is a cakewalk! It’s so very nice to close the day with the feel good feeling! There are days where I end them with perfect rants and feel good with that too but then as I say, that’s MY balance!

To try and maintain harmony in a household with school going children around, my experience is to plan out my days’ chores in a physically and mentally dealable manner, to try and not pack too much in those awake hours if they are really not time pressing urgencies. Of course, exceptions are there to this ideal mix but on a larger scale if a sort of doable list is maintained, the day seems sorted in most aspects and the smoothness of ones dealings with the children is for all to see! On that note, let’s try and figure out our own individual wheels to move on smoothly.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

CHILDREN DO LISTEN

howgrowingupmatters

” I feel I talk to the wall most times”, ” My child doesn’t seem to listen to me”, etc etc. These are commonly heard outside school gates or amidst parents interaction with one another.Well, my understanding in this matter is that children DO listen. It may seem, at times, it’s a failing battle, but all words of importance do get absorbed in their minds if it is communicated in a simple and effective manner. It may not seem so at times, but the fact is when it matters, the words would play their role!

In some cases and situations where frustration takes the better of you, the key is TO NOT GIVE UP. It is only the parent who can impart the values at this young tender age. At times, if one feels that the communication is not going in the direction you wish it to, a change of style, tone or rephrasing certain words may do the trick. Sometimes, a serious introspection and careful thinking as to why is it not going right may be required by the caregiver. If there is enough time spent with the child, there is no reason, other than a disorder of some nature, that your words are not soaked by them. If you can’t make him or her listen to you, step back, analyse the why’s and most important, BE PATIENT. The message will get through!

Getting the child’s attention when he’s most receptive is the way , in my mind, to go forward. Simple and short , terse , interesting, play way methods can go a long way in smooth flow of words and listening thereof. Once this ease of communication is established, the joys of exchange of thoughts and ideas will become very meaningful. My personal experience is to adopt a soft approach when you need to get your voice heard. So, stay there, measure your words, be at it , most importantly, be around and there’s no real reason why your child would not really listen to you!

General, Parenting

Small eyes seeing the big world

howgrowingupmatters

Who doesn’t like a change from the routine of things to refresh their senses and recharge themselves and what better way to do than a departure from the cosy comforts of your home!

A trip , closer home , should time be the constraint or a well planned and thought out longish break could do the trick. Here, again, kids involvement in planning is a good thing! A little brainstorming involving them can make the journey and the destination more enjoyable and memorable.

Since now my elder one chooses to have an opinion on things, I am asking him to do the preliminary research on places and the expectations he has on a holiday with us. He has been assigned to do a power point presentation on the UN travel friendly countries he wishes to take us to ( as a start, it’s a choice from a max of 3!) . He will be asked to present his findings on the why’s and how’s of the place , the broad internal itineraries, the road less travelled ( a tad too much asking on my part),the must – do lists and the expected culinary experiences! Basically, we need to be sold on the idea to take it to fruition!

This may be a good idea ( at least that’s what I am thinking!) for him to understand different geographies, cultures and people thereof. Again, here,the research done may be a lot more interesting than merely looking at the world map on the globe or the wall version of it or merely muttering a random name of a place.

Hoping for an exciting and memorable vacation involving him from scratch and yes, not to miss on the after holiday notes which would promptly come in the travel diaries! Looking at him to actually take the assignment seriously!

Mindfulness l, Parenting

PAUSE….NOTES TO SELF

howgrowingupmatters

So far, my experiences have yielded in small but meaningful learnings for me in my journey as a parent so far. Collating them for myself under the title of don’t sweat the small stuff..

  • While it is our first time as parents in this world, this is not a new domain in the general world so let’s just go with our gut most times.
  • Phases ( and many of them) will come and go and this too shall pass should ideally be our mantra.
  • Fads too will very soon be a thing of the past.
  • It’s only love that drives the world and so love and let live.
  • Today’s seemingly tiring times will surely be tomorrow’s wonderful memories so let’s believe more in that.
  • As time moves on , so will they and it may be sooner than expected, so try and enjoy the present.
  •  Attitude is everything, so let’s live with this philosophy. It is bound to generate a win win situation for all.
  • Let the growing up journey be a simple one and lets strive towards this.
  •  We all know that actions speak louder than words so GO FOT IT
  •  Most importantly, TAKE IT EASY! CALM YOUR NERVES AND BREATHE

 

 

DISCLAIMER – I WILL TRY AND ABIDE BY WHAT I HAS WRITTEN ABOVE.

General, Mindfulness l, Parenting

Shhh…observe silently..

howgrowingupmatters

I am not very sure about dads but I believe somewhere mums do learn a thing or two from other mums..while the different strokes for different folks application holds true largely, observing and making necessary modifications is not a bad thing after all . The best is not always the best if we were to step aside and see the situation from a third angle perspective. In doing things real time, very often for me, time pressures and the idea to get done with it takes the better off the matter / issue at hand!

A lot can be learnt by mere observations and the responses thereof. I very often find myself telling the kids to find solutions by sheer observations. Of course, it’s not something they connect to immediately, but I feel in repeatedly talking about it, somewhere sometime soon, I may see the results. My pottering about in the house, tending to the greens, going about with stuff around the kitchen etc. is silently but surely setting the precedent for a certain behaviour or a certain expectation. From reading and largely by observing child behaviour, a lot of thoughtful insights can be gained.

Now that spring is almost in the air, and the trees around are awaiting the blooms, the sightings of pretty colourful birds on the barren branches are rather clearly visible. My 8 year old has been observing them at closer range and trying to see a certain pattern. It’s fascinating to note that in quiet observations, kids can learn a thing or two from nature.

As in various yogic and meditative practices, it is taught to be mindful about situations, it may be a great idea to teach the young minds the power of observation from a young age. They may just be more responsive than react to the many challenges that life will throw at them.

 

General, Parenting

BONDING & BEYOND

howgrowingupmatters

Let’s all play B L O K U S! ” I want to see if today I can manage to fit in all my pieces ” in the big intelligent jigsaw that the game is all about. This is what all of us say when we get down to playing. A wonderful bond has been established between us , besides other ways, through this. It’s almost  like ” A family that plays together, stays together “. The many happy moments shared when we all peer into that board and exult or whine together is playfully joyful. In my mind, if parents of school going children fit in a weekend holiday board game in their schedules, it’s great! It’s a bond which would go beyond boundaries. In playing together, all those pent up emotions and some deep hidden thoughts all come out beautifully.

A ” fight to finish ” stuff..with a mind challenging game like SCRABBLE or even a catch and cook activity could draw out similar results. Anything that bonds could be practiced but the moot point here is the consistency of time and schedule . This, if done, really works wonders!

The investments done now will surely go beyond and we all could look back at all those pleasant, easy and happy moments. At this time, while the kids are still in ” common consensus mode“, my bonding with them is only growing! A couple of years down the line, I may look at the pile of those board games and bask in the glory of their bonding before I pass them on for future such bondings!

Parenting

YOUR FACE says it all!

howgrowingupmatters

Children, besides having their own identity, are most often reflecting their parents actions, words, thoughts etc. and this is not something that we are not aware of.Yes, we consciously try to be at our best when they are around, but the times when we slip can be quite alarming. How non- chalantly we pass on our dislikes and our fears and honestly, we are rather oblivious about it at that point in time. Of course, in hindsight, the rationale is all there..

Now, I particularly don’t like reptiles as a species..so the other day, when Ms. Lizzy, a house lizard decided to show up, my spat of words ranged from yuck, creepy, and even more choicest adjectives just spew out! The emotions just poured freely and my face said it all. At another time, a dislike for a particular food presentation came out rather strongly. It is my way of looking at these things , but now my kids have started parroting my words whenever they see one of those harmless beings or that food served somewhere ! Completely not called for! Yet again, a learning for me to not pass on my biases to the kids. The strong emotions which we all carry have to really not show their faces to the fresh minds. It does require a good bit of mind control at the right time and the right place ; difficult, but totally worth it! Very recently, I had to witness an unpleasant experience concerning my child ( a pet dog gave a serious dig into her pink lips, a feature quite becoming of a young lady!) but somewhere my mettle took over and it really helped in controlling the trauma for my little one! GOOD ME!! Am now secretly wishing the scar to fade away and gradually in time go away completely.

Consciously trying to control my angsts and my prejudices for things. Don’t want the kids to grow up disliking certain foods, places, spaces, experiences because of me. Will be happy to see them use all their sensory organs and make their own sound judgements.

Parenting

ONE on ONE LEARNINGS

howgrowingupmatters

Collective learning is a great tool in building the social quotient of the kids. However, the one – on – one learning brings in different elements. My experience with the kids in mindful engagement and new learnings has thrown in new lights! As parents, we always try and make lives easy and entertaining most times for our little ones. Always try and go to places which has some excitement for them and most important, company of other kids. So, whilst this serves very well for a rolling fun time, in terms of understandings of any new concept like an art pop -up, a cultural tour, a visit to a museum or even a zoo , somewhere, friends and company takes over! We have travelled to far off places with and without company and the children have absorbed a great deal under ONLY  the parents for company. It’s not like the little know-how’s has not been with pals around, but the degree varies significantly.The times they were with friends, it really didn’t matter to them whether they were in Paris, in Spain or any other place..the place ceased to exist in their minds and the play with friends took over! What is that that you remember of your trip to BALI and its ” awesome volleyball ” in the awesome pool! What about SPAIN? Its the many crosses and knots played at the biggg palace! The recalls from those trips written very sweetly in their diaries is where my belief that the “best teachings under forced and sometimes boring situations ” comes forth strongly.

So, for them to know the significant difference between a book reading or a literature fest or even a visit to the football stadium of their favoured club, an outing with NO friends may be a good idea  till they are of age to absorb stuff  even in distracting company. With same -age company, it would reduce almost to a sort of play date at anyone’s house or in a backyard. Anything more will seem a far cry! Of course, a few recalls will always be there to please you, but the larger picture is rather diluted!

On that renewed lesson, we are going to open our good deed jar which started filling up in the beginning of the year gone by and to look at all those colourful memo notes with the deeds the kids have felt were good in their understandings!! Cheers to newness and all things bright and beautiful in the year of the DOG!

Beingmommy, General, Parenting

MIX AND MATCH

howgrowingupmatters

I love football! I love skating! I want to try the drums! My friend is learning to run the hurdles! etc. etc. etc. So many choices, so much to choose from and WHAT WILL WORK!? Questions like these are very common.

My recipe for the right mix in learning and growing is rather conservative. Note please that this is ONLY MY RECIPE and am perfectly at peace with what others want to consume.

It’s not been very many years that my journey and experiments thereof have started with kids but in the limited understanding so far, the mix that I find good is a combination of a creative and a physical pursuit. My two go for one each of the mentioned mix. The creative energy is satiated by any art form, be it music, dance, drama, sketching and the likes and the physical part is addressed by a game play, be it structured or even an informal one works. In this, I have observed that the emotional,social,kinetics and the other 4 intelligence are all put to good use. So the theory of the multiple intelligence are , so far , going in the direction the many writers want it to! In this,my mention of the outdoor game play is of significance. It just brings out the joy of growing up even more! The little challenges taken by the children to UP their standards in their eyes is awe worthy..also, the social quotient significantly goes up..eventually it’s this growth which makes them soar in later years of their lives.

Another mention here is if kids can take up one each of an individual and a team sport, it’s even better..but here, I have observed that children are either/or in this department..either they love a team sport or they are quite comfortable in pursuing an individual one..I am still trying for a heady mix of the 2 and I know I will get there sometime soon.

Meanwhile happy decision making ( a cumbersome time consuming process ) in making our children grow up to be well rounded individuals capable of handling all that is tossed to them.

Beingmommy, Parenting

BORING IS NORMAL?

howgrowingupmatters

JUST the other day, between measured device time and outdoor stimulations, I asked my precious two to plough their minds into something very different with the rights given even to go bizarre, if they so wished! ( I secretly was hoping though that they don’t take my advise to be bizarre very seriously ,which they didn’t much to my great relief ! else the mommy in me would have taken a different shape).

With the first obvious resentments, I did see some good creativity..games were being made out of old used papers and these were put in my forthcoming daughters’ birthday planner! One thing led to other and a whole list of stuff was jotted down. Of course, in this, random head counts were also added as my little girl who’s turning all of 8 soon has many many girls whom she lovingly calls friends ( we will address this issue later!) What i saw and what I always knew is that the idle mind is no devil’s workshop in children’s case , it’s quite the contrary in fact.Boredom sometimes gets the best out of them..actually, I quite resent the word per se and I try and dissuade my kids from using it.At times, I also mummy other kids when I hear this word!

On and all, its a good sign if a TODAY’S child is feeling bored. In fact, at times, assigning boring tasks like laying the table, tidying up the place after meals, clearing and setting up their places like the cupboards, book shelves, corners which they label as their own etc. may not be a bad idea after all. It’s nice to give them these not very stimulating jobs as they may prove beneficial in the longer run..so, lets treat boring as normal and introduce this insipid flavour in their otherwise exciting and yummy lives.